The Worst of Regina
In the wake of the Prairie Dog‘s Best of Regina feature article, we at the Carillon present our Worst of Regina feature
Worst U of R Burger joint: Tim Hortons
As burger joints go, Tim Hortons is definitely the worst on campus. While other establishments like Fast Break, the Owl, and BYOB or Burger, Bath and Beyond or whatever it’s called now will serve you a burger patty between two buns with the toppings of your choice. Asking for a burger at Tim Hortons will get you funny looks, and when they finally roll their eyes and get down to getting what you ordered, the results more often closely resemble cream cheese on a toasted bagel than an actual burger. Because of this, Tim Hortons is easily the worse burger joint on campus.
– Edward Dodd
Worst time to Drive: 3 P.M.
The absolute worst time to drive in Regina is definitely 3 PM on any given weekday. It’s at this time that old people, already tired from being up all day, drive themselves home from Smitty’s and cause numerous traffic problems. Navigating Albert Street at 3 PM is often worse than rush hour, as the elderly slowly merge without signalling, stop suddenly without warning, and drive at a leisurely pace that belies the fact that they are all eager to get home and watch two solid hours of Judge Judy.
– Edward Dodd
Worst Mayor: Pat Fiacco
Now, the Carillon doesn’t want to say that Regina’s mayor Pat Fiacco is the worst in the city, but we only have one mayor, so Fiacco is both the best and worst mayor we have. The buck necessarily stops with him. If we ignore any of the good things he has done for this city, Fiacco’s record is atrocious, with every single one of the bad policies resulting in making this city a worse place to live. Pat Fiacco is, by definition, the worst mayor in Regina.
– Edward Dodd
Worst Movers: Me
Many students live somewhat nomadic lifestyles, moving from one apartment to the next. This undoubtedly leads to people like me getting several phone calls asking, “Hey, want to help me move?” If you ever need help moving, don’t give me a call, ever. I am the worst mover in the city. I will drop your stuff repeatedly. I only carry the lightest items in the truck, and I’ll still complain about that constantly. I’ll probably show up drunk too, puke on your new carpet, take off my clothes, and pass out on the floor. For your own good – and for the sake of your damage deposit – skip over my name on your contacts list.
– Dietrich Neu
Worst nightclub: Tumblers
Don’t ask me, ask Tumblers. Years ago, this pizza-joint-sports-bar-pool-hall-restaurant-gang-hideout-nightclub dispersed signs around their venue stating they were Regina’s “Worst nightclub.” Or at least that is what the signs said after some customer went around with a pen, scribbled out the word “Best” and replacing it with “Worst”. Tumblers still hasn’t changed the signs to this day, so the ball’s in their court.
– Dietrich Neu
Worst locally owned shop: Children’s lemonade stands
Does anyone respect businesses that are set up on the sides of streets, with cardboard signs, and owners who cry and shit their pants? Children’s lemonade stands are just that kind of business. Chemistry is for adults, so what makes kids think they can properly dissolve lemonade mix in water? They can’t. Their lemonade is always watered down or overpowered.
Their customer service blows. Upon receiving a complaint, most kids will scream, tell you to shut up, or run inside to get their parents – who inevitably run out, shotgun in hand, and accuse you of being some kind of sexual predator.
– Dietrich Neu
Worst Roughrider player: Luca Congi
I really have no idea how Congi lasted so long as the Saskatchewan Roughriders starting kicker. It looks like rookie sensation Christopher Milo has taken that job away from him. After five full seasons with the Roughiders, Congi is hitting less than 80 per cent of his field goals and averaging under 40 yards a punt. So basically, he is average in the field goal department and below average as a punter. In a league where kickers generally need to excel in both areas, that’s a huge problem.
– Jonathan Hamelin
Worst U of R science class: Geology
So, who took geology because he needed one science with a lab for his arts degree and heard from multiple sources it would be an easy class? This guy. Big fucking mistake. I thought, ‘How hard can it be examining rocks?’ It’s not too hard, but it’s a nightmare listening to someone yammer on about rocks for three goddamn hours every week and trying to retain any of that knowledge. An honourable mention has to go the math history course I took that turned out to be a course about using ancient math.
– Jonathan Hamelin
Worst business administration class: Computer Science 100
Being in my first year I only have so much input on this topic. Regardless, my vote goes to Computer Science 100. Attendance is only necessary for that extra five per cent, otherwise all of the notes are posted online. The material is dull, and much of it is common sense, such as diagrams labelling a keyboard. In my own experience, less than half of the class chooses to attend unless there is a quiz. Yet it is still necessary for business administration? The class is simply a waste of time and money.
– Julia McKenzie
Worst place to study: Starbucks
How many times have you heard people say, “We should meet at Starbucks for a study night!” And how many times have you gone to Starbucks, and seen the same people determined to have a study night at the cafe with their books open, and their cell phones in their hands, chatting incessantly? Honestly, no one does anything at Starbucks, except sometimes aimlessly wander into the magazines. The line-up flows to the very back of the room – the stressed moms with their gaggle of kids screaming that they want whipped cream on their hot chocolate probably doesn’t help much either. Finally, every person you know comes to Starbucks, further minimizing your chances of getting any work done. Unless you have no friends, and badass noise cancelling headphones, Starbucks is the worst place to study.
– Julia Dima
Worst Metal Band: Kelevra
They think they’re hot shit because they’re playing with the Devin Townsend Project on Dec. 3, and it’s really gone to their head. In fact, the band is just a bunch of really fucking weird dudes with guitars tuned to C. According to the drummer’s twitter, he apparently enjoys it when “dog[s] show up in [his] backyard with … blood drenched face[s].” Yeah, there’s nothing more metal than blood-soaked puppies.
– Paul Bogdan
Worst New Carillon Contributor: Kyle Leitch
Ooh, here’s a real prize winner: he gets drunk, watches French movies that no one’s heard of, and then rambles on about them for 300 words. And does this ass like anything? I mean really, what wasn’t there to like about The Rum Diary? If the Carillon has any decency, it’ll stop this third-rate Hunter Thompson wannabe before he gets completely drunk off of his own sense of smug satisfaction.
– Kyle Leitch
Worst Local Twitter Feed: Anyone Using Twitter for “Networking”
Far be it for me to impose rules on how to tweet properly. Part of the charm of Twitter is how diverse it is, with staid, informative CBC tweets sitting next to @horse_ebooks gobbledygook in perfect harmony. Everyone’s got their thing, which makes Twitter interesting. That said, if your thing is cramming three “RT”s into a tweet so you can publicly make weekend plans or further your “brand” among business contacts, you might be an asshole.
– Mason Pitzel
Worst Neighbourhood: Harbour Landing
If you described Harbour Landing to anyone outside Regina – built hurriedly on swampland, backing onto a Walmart – they’d assume you were talking about a cheap housing project, the kind with a Dollarama as a grocery store. Surprise! It’s our flagship neighbourhood.
Aside from its structural issues – which are only alleged, the way Mayor Fiacco allegedly had no stake in Harbour Landing’s development despite his family owning the land in question – it’s the blandest part of the city by far. It’s only “A Community of Choice” if your idea of choice is between visiting a stand-alone Opa! or a stand-alone Orange Julius. Or if you think “Homes For Folks with the Coin to Cut Themselves Off From Local Culture” is too on the nose.
Suggestion to Dundee: at least rebrand it as Five Guys: The Neighbourhood.
– Mason Pitzel
Worst MLA: Gene Makowsky
Makowsky hasn’t made this list because he’s an athlete, or because he’s a walking brick of meat (alternate joke: the dude they traced for the Alfred Hitchcock Presents opening), but because he’s not solidly a politician. He’s a dude who, immediately after being elected, told Global his focus as MLA was going to be “good governance and all that stuff,” full stop. It’s fine if you voted for him, I guess, but you can’t play it like you didn’t vote him in for being a Rider – which poses the question of where the line should be drawn in terms of voting for people we think are cool outside of politics.
That said, I think we all would probably vote for the Common Ground lady over any other candidate if the opportunity arose.
– Mason Pitzel
Worst U of R Parking Lot: Lot 17
Lot 17 has more downs than ups – literally. During winter and spring, there’s got to be more potholes in that one lot than in the entire campus. Also, when you enter the usually full parking lot after lunch, students who are determined to find a parking spot will follow you at 10km/h to where your vehicle is parked. There’s vehicle damage, no spots to park after lunch, and you get stalked for your parking spot.
– Colton Hordichuk
Worst Local festival: The Exhibition
Regina’s Queen City Exhibition is the most disgusting, grungy, and fearful place to being in mid-August. Not only is Kiddyland swarming with ominous and eerie old men, but it seems that every year there is a citywide competition to see how many people can get drunk and throw up in public. A few years ago, there was a report that gangs were going to show up and start a fight in the middle of the fairgrounds. If these reasons don’t coin the Queen City Ex as the worst festival in Regina, nothing will.
– Colton Hordichuk
Worst U of R sports team: Men’s soccer
Not only did the men’s soccer team not have a single win this year, it wasn’t even able to string together enough players, or sign a head coach, in order to compete in a single game. With no games played, and therefore no record to speak of, the men’s soccer team is automatically the worst team on campus. Better luck next season, guys.
– Autumn McDowell
Worst local slang: “Gitch”/“Gotch”
Did you know the word “gotch” appears as Saskatchewan dialect on the Wikipedia page for Canadian English? As a Ukranian word, it’s fine, as is its use as a kid’s word (as is “gotchies,” which even seeing in print probably triggers weird repressed playground memories for most of you reading this). As a loan word used by grown adults? You must be hitting the porch climber pretty hard, friend. Switch back to Vi-Co.
– John Cameron
Worst car dealership: Walmart parking lots
Or Craigslist or Kijiji or, honestly, even the Declass. Let’s face it: these are OK forums for buying relatively inexpensive non-necessities, like musical instruments or furniture, and the problems you inherit with your purchases are usually fairly cheap to fix, if they aren’t things you can just plain live with.
Buying a car from these places, however, is like a crash course in caveat emptor. Even if it’s fine on a test drive, the vital (and costly) parts can crap out at virtually any minute. You are buying a liability. Warranties from dealerships aren’t perfect, and usually don’t go far enough, but at least you stand a chance.
– John Cameron
Worst Theatre: Galaxy Cinemas
I don’t even know why it’s called the Galaxy Cinemas. It doesn’t even play movies about space. Not only that, when it does play movies about space, they’re nothing like Hubble 3D. Instead, it’s just these fairy stories that couldn’t even happen in reality. The Muppets doesn’t even obey basic logic, let alone is it set in space.
– Jonathan Petrychyn
Worst Local TV Show: Corner Gas
If you ask me, Corner Gas has just gotten tired. Every time I tune in to watch a new episode, all I get is the same old stories. It’s almost like they’ve stopped making new episodes and just keep re-running the old ones. Seems like lazy scriptwriting to me.
–Jonathan Petrychyn
UPDATE (11:36 12/01/11): An incorrect version of this article was previously posted. The above version is the article as it appears in the issue.
