An Open Letter to Idiots
The CliffNotes version of this article/ Arthur Ward
Think before you speak.
Author: John Loeppky
To the boys who sat behind me at the Rams’ home opener:
I am sorry that this open letter has to begin with such a long title. I am also sad to admit that my reaction(s) to your collective indiscretions were less than ideal. I do not wish for you to apologize, or expect any of you to read this. I do, however, hope that your idiocy can become a lesson to others.
Your first error was in insulting my fashion choices. You see, I am a part of a number of committees and sports teams. As such, in my time on provincial and national teams, I have come to own a number of clothing items that are, in your words, “girls clothing.” For reference, this refers to when I told you I didn’t give a shit what you thought about the brands I choose to wear.
The second hole you fell into was caused by you declaring your assumption that, just because I was sitting next to two young women, I was only doing so as to try to seduce them. Or, as you so eloquently put it, “fuck them”. Gentlemen, sitting next to a woman does not mean you want to sleep with them; sitting next to a girl (or a boy, for that matter) means you want to spend time with them. I’d like to add that this was when you called the girl beside me “kush coma” because you, with your high levels of rationality and intelligence, decided that she must have smoked enough marijuana to fall asleep and not, as it happens, just gotten off of a more than ten hour flight. For your reference, this was when I asked if you were jealous and then told you all to shut up.
Which brings me to issue number three: I would like to point out that putting a condom in someone’s pocket and then saying ‘I’ve got you, Lulu,” does not mark you as a hero. Putting a condom in someone’s pocket marks you as an imbecile. For reference: this was when I smirked, contemplated what it would be like if I was to let my feelings loose, shoved the condom to the ground, and kicked it under the bench. This was done to keep your minds away from such matters. After all, for boys like you, the adage “out of sight, out of mind” could not have rung more true.
This brings us to the profanity-filled conclusion. As I sat there shaking – partially because of my disability and partially because of Saskatchewan’s penchant for chilliness on a fall evening – and you decided to rudely comment on it, I would like to point out that I did ponder saying nothing. For reference, in case I’ve lost you, this was when I let loose that string of words that featured the most versatile expression, beginning with “f”, in the English language.
You see, if you take away only one thing, let it be this. When you comment on someone’s appearance, when you objectify their friends and transfigure them into sex objects, when you shove a condom in someone’s pocket because your humour is just that sub-par, remember: you do not know what is going on in their lives, the wreckage you might have created.
Sincerely,
John Loeppky
Stupid kids. You handled it well. Thanks for sharing this.