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An unconventional judgment

by Netflix/Brett Nielsen
by Netflix/Brett Nielsen

From an avowed Kevin James fan

On Sunday night, I quietly continued my ongoing 26-year boycott of the Academy Awards.

I’ve never watched the program and this weekend was no different.

I enjoy movies – I was even a film major, very briefly – but I have no interest in the Academy Awards and I’ve always chosen not to watch them.

Now that I don’t have a TV – or the wherewithal to stream the proceedings – that choice was easier than ever. But I don’t have any interest in the awards because I don’t know who most of these actors are, so I really don’t care what they have to say, who they have to thank, or what they’re wearing.

And it’s also because I haven’t seen 98 per cent of the movies nominated. It’s also safe to say that the Academy and I haven’t always seen eye-to-eye in our movie preferences. I, for instance, hope to someday pay big money to see several more Paul Blart movies.

That being said, I’ve decided to come clean and honour those in 2015 movies I have seen.

Best Picture: I’m going with The Martian – the only nominated movie I’ve seen. Matt Damon, first of all, is the perfect man to play a stranded astronaut. I enjoyed this one so much that I watched it twice, although once was in an airplane without any sound. The only knock on this one, I think, is that I was expecting an alien at some point, not realizing that Matt Damon was, in fact, The Martian. Very disappointing, yes, but this was a good movie. The best of 2015 (that I saw)!

Best Actor: I’ve actually seen two of the roles that were nominated for this – Matt Damon in The Martian and Michael Fassbender in Jobs, which I rented from Brandy’s and fell asleep during – but I’m going with the guy from Creed. Yes, Michael B. Jordan wins this one! I’ve always been a big fan of this franchise, and it just feels right to give this man the award – he out-acted Rocky, let’s not forget! Although I generally prefer boxers who win the big fight at the end of their movies, he totally stole the show from Sylvester Stallone, who’s a global treasure in his own right.

Best Actress: This is really tough – I haven’t seen any of the movies nominated. But I do remember Jennifer Lopez was really good in the erotic thriller, The Boy Next Door, which luckily was released in January of 2015, and therefore eligible for recognition. This is definitely her best performance since that snake movie she was in with Ice Cube.

Best Supporting Actor: Two words: Sylvester Stallone! Two more words: In Creed.

Best Supporting Actress: I’m going to defer to the Academy’s esteemed academics and go with Alicia Vikander, who I’m assuming did excellently in The Danish Girl.  

Best Costumes: I’m giving this, my final award, to Krampus for two reasons. One, it scared the hell out of me. Two, Regina’s Emerson Ziffle, who grew up a few blocks from me, designed all of the terrifying costumes. And a third, bonus reason: I didn’t see any of the other nominated movies.

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