Best of the worst
Top five names in sports
Article: John Loeppky – Contributor
5. Dee Liner: Defensive lineman University of Alabama
His birth certificate proclaims his position with pride.
I don’t think retirement will come smoothly. If you think his buddies will yell “Hey, Dee Liner, get your ass over here” and then get tackled and stomped on, you’re probably wrong.
To be fair, you could be named after a sound, a colour, or a position on the field and it wouldn’t make any difference. Being on the No. 1 team in college football is what matters.
It could be worse, your name could be Dick Butkus.
4. Barkevious Mingo: Linebacker Cleveland Browns
Surprisingly, barking in the Dawg Pound has been a regular occurrence at Browns games this season.
While their jersey’s may make them look like they just escaped en masse from a sewer system – what can you expect from a team named after its owner – the perpetual losers are sitting at .500 after trading away their best player, running back Trent Richardson.
Mingo has made quite the contribution as a rookie with two sacks already this season. He really is backing up his bark with some bite.
3. Vander Blue: Shooting guard Philadelphia 76ers
Fitting name, considering the team will be singing the blues as they tank all season for the chance at wunderkind Andrew Wiggins in next year’s draft.
This streaky shooter from Marquette should be able to get at least a few shots up before he realizes it is all hopeless, becomes friends with the infamous Kwame Brown, and ruins his career to the point where even the Toronto Raptors won’t offer him a contract.
2. Captain Munnerlyn: Corner back Carolina Panthers
My Captain, my Captain, rise up and hear the boos.
With a 2-3 record so far this season, the Panthers are staying along the path of what makes them great to watch: a team you know will be entertaining as hell and still lose.
Mr. Munnerlyn, though not a team captain, has made a solid contribution to the team. Strictly a return specialist earlier in his career, he has become more and more productive on defence as he has matured. Too bad we will never see him playing for anything important, except for Cam Newton’s love and affection.
1. Richie Incognito: Offensive lineman Miami Dolphins
Because Richie Twinkletoes was taken.
A candidate for quite possibly the worst ninja ever and labeled as a dirty player, Incognito is toiling at guard for the 3-2 Dolphins. For such an amazing name, it sure hasn’t helped the team’s numbers. Although starting the season undefeated at 3-0, the Dolphins have allowed starting QB Ryan Tannehill to hit the grass 24 times already.
Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound everyone jumping off the bandwagon – oops, my mistake, that’s the Rider’s bandwagon rolling down Lumsden Hill.