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Humour

UR guide to residence!

A quick guide to residence life by John Loeppky – Contributor We Interrupt Your Scheduled Programming…. Hello, this is your U of R residence Public Service Announcement . You could say UR about to be informed! 1. Lock your door: I feel as if I should create a shirt that says “it’s all fun and games until someone steals your food or your flat screen.” 2. Socialize with your roommates or neighbours: Ok, story time ...

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Shit the Carillon says

Actual conversations heard around the office by the staff nother Monday means another production night, which means another round of Shit the Carillon says. Once more we jump into the fray and enter that collective urine-soaked hellhole that is our staff’s thoughts. Enjoy yet another edition of Shit the Carillon says! I’m like Peter Pan except I’m going to kick your ass! We should do a podcast on the semantics of hate mail. I am ...

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What shall we do with an English Major

Sung to the tune of Drunken Sailor An excerpt from Drinking Songs of the Academy by Farron Ager – Oped Editor What shall we do with an English Major? (x3) In between his classes? CHORUS: Way hay and loud he rages (x3) In between his classes! Promise him a job in communications (x3) In between his classes! CHORUS Spell everything you can all wrongly (x3) In between his classes! CHORUS Always leave your modifiers dangling ...

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Shit the Carillon says

Actual conversations heard around the office by the Staff Once again, production night plagues us all like that last bout of syphilis we can never seem to shake. And, once again, all we need to do is to have one of our editors take notes of the conversations that go on behind closed doors in the wee hours of the morning. Enjoy our verbal masturbation with “Shit the Carillon says”: Regarding the slippery slope of ...

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Dear Mr. Ford

Article: John Loeppky – Contributor e at the Disgraced Politicians Society of the World would like to welcome you into our fraternity. To run one’s reputation into the ground is not something new; in fact, it as old as time itself, but your ability to combine these failures while still being employed is something all of us aspire to. In short, we are here to help. We have helped such public figures as Anthony Wiener and Bill ...

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Don’t feel bad, Dick

Article: John Loeppky – Contributor I write this in honour of Dick Cheney. Recently, he revealed that he had, at one point, tasked his doctor with disabling the wireless function on his pacemaker. You know, in case the “terrirists” (spelt the George Bush way) hacked into his pacemaker. What would they do? He already sent himself on a “hunting accident”. And so we have a list of things that should (for hilarity’s sake) be hacked ...

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RAMS football

Sung to the tune of Lanigan’s Ball Article: Farron Ager – Oped Editor and Autumn McDowell – Sports Editor An excerpt from Drinking Songs of the Academy In the town of Regina, one Ronnie Lancaster Brought the Riders to a state of good fame And grandson Mueller played, raised the Rams e’en faster! Plays on a field and ten bleachers for games He gave a grand party to friends and relations Who did not forget ...

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I put a spell on you

Display of witchcraft and wizardry reviewed Article: Charlie MacDonald – Contributor As an avid viewer of fantasy films and a frequent player of role playing games I feel like I know my way around the supernatural. So imagine my delight when a good friend of mine hit me up with the greatest gift of all, a ticket to a magic show. I spent hours of my time researching in order to prepare myself for this ...

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The Carillon apologizes (no, really)

Student newspaper’s insensitivity reaches new lows In our Sep. 5-11 issue, we ran a humour piece which, in no uncertain terms, compared Regina mayor Michael Fougere unfavourably to Frankenstein’s Monster. Shortly after the issue ran, we received an email from the distraught subject of what we felt was a lighthearted parody. “To whom it may concern,” the email began, “I’m sure the photo in your humour section was meant to be a joke, and in ...

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