Sports

“By the end of the year, Chuck Kapparauk, will have announced – via the hallowed pages of the University of Regina’s student newspaper – where he will ply his trade next season.” – John Loeppky

“…clearly I’m not going anywhere near the outfield because how else would the coaches see my awesome shortstop skills, including my ability to pick sick scoops on my backhand and throw a strike to first off my back foot?” – Harrison Brooks

“If we're choosing the frankensteinian monster of athletic creations, which sport should we make our evil little plaything compete in?” – John Loeppky

"It was just something that we really wanted to [do to] enhance our visitor experience and make it more interactive. So we've added the simulator, we now have IPads in the halls, and we have monitors in the halls, too." -- Autumn McDowell

“I have been learning a lot and my goals for the season are to improve my technical game and learn the tactical side of the game.” – Haley Wagar

: “All in all, this season will be one to remember despite the results that were gained from it. The team rallied together at the hard times, and the experiences that they gained in this regard will prove beneficial to their future development as players.” – Stephen Hodgson

"I’m leading off this week’s advice piece by looking at a potential trade option for you. I don’t know if you noticed, but the Pittsburgh Penguins are hella hard to watch."- Jhett Folk

"I haven’t been to every sports bar in the city, but I've been to enough of them to form an opinion based on some criteria I think are important for having a good experience while watching sports" - Harrison Brooks

“Grantland is survived by her father, William J. “Bill” Simmons III. Though Grantland was estranged from her, she is also survived by her mother, ESPN.” – John Loeppky

“Emma already has twice as many goals as she had last year, and one less point in a third of the games” – Harrison Brooks