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Celluloid catastrophes

If you watch these movies, you will be wasting your life away

5B Warner Premiere
Warner Premiere

Author: Charlie Macdonald

Movie: Thunderstruck

Starring: Kevin Durant, Taylor Gray

Netflix?: Yes

Thunderstruck is a high school basketball movie that I could best describe as a combination of Space Jam and Teen Wolf. Is it bad? Absolutely. Is it entertaining? You better believe it.

A nerdy high school kid steals Kevin Durant’s basketball skills while at an OKC Thunder game, going straight from towel waving water boy who is beyond incapable of playing basketball to dropping 40 a game, and becoming a hero in the process.

This flick understands what it is and quickly gets the gags out of the way. Five foot four dumpy white kid dunking, Kevin Durant playing so bad the ESPN talking heads start insulting him, and typical cool underdog too easy to hate superstar storyline unfolds.

Kevin Durant is not a good actor, but he doesn’t have to be. That should tell you everything you need to know about Thunderstruck. Fun as a curiosity, but if you are looking for a funny basketball movie just check Teen Wolf instead.

Better than Shazam? Yes

Universal Pictures
Universal Pictures

Movie: Snow White and the Huntsman

Starring: Kristen Stewart, Chris Hemsworth

Netflix?: Yes

This movie is the worst kind of bad. Bad enough for me not to like it, but good enough to not be entertaining.

I just watched this movie five minutes ago, and I can’t remember what happened, although it’s probable that Kristen Stewart looked sad and Hemsworth took his shirt off at some point.

This is just the standard Snow White story. Although there are some cool visuals and decent action at 127 minutes, this movie runs very long. They could have easily cut 10 or 15 minutes to make a tighter movie.

I wanted to like all of the actors in this movie. Not a single actor in this movie gave me a moment where I felt an emotion. To borrow a line from my father, “I’m not mad. I’m just disappointed.”

There is no real reason for this movie to exist. It adds nothing to an already popular story, and it is simply bland.

Without anything unique about it, Snow White and the Huntsman is just another movie to watch when you should be studying instead.

Better than Twilight? Maybe.

 

Dark Castle Entertainment
Dark Castle Entertainment

Movie: Splice

Starring: Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley

Netflix?: No

This is a weird movie. Normally, I’ll go for that kind of thing, but in this case, I can’t really vibe with this film. Splice is a Canadian movie, and because of that, I feel pretty terrible that I don’t actually like it that much.

This is a Sci-Fi Thriller where science takes a front seat and takes this film on many turns along the way. That is all well and good except those turns don’t lead to a particularly good neighborhood.

The performances in this movie are actually great since the two leads are convincing as two scientists who don’t really know what they are doing. The movie is not well written; that is where the flick falls apart.

I wish the director and actors were just in a movie not so unnecessarily odd. I recommend you watch it just to have something to talk about.

 Better than most Canadian movies? Probably

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