author: patty c. hats | contributor
The Carillon is happy to introduce Chatty Patty: an anonymous, student run advice column!
Q: My best friend moved and I’m really missing her. What are some ways we can still feel close?
A: Listen, having a friend move away will be more heart wrenching than you ever thought possible: your gal pal, numero uno, main b**** or best bro is no longer a call away to meet at McDonald’s to discuss the events of the night. You and your BFWMA (best friend who moved away) will not be growing and experience separately from each other. Now, you can take this as growing apart, or we can quote Beyoncé, and make some “Lemonade” (she was the first to say that, right?). The fact that you have reached out for help on how to stay connected shows me that you are ready, you are committed. At this point, I’m hoping you are so into staying connected that you have looked up ways to tether your thoughts through Bluetooth and I love it! Here is a list of other ways I think you and your BFWMA can stay close:
1. Accept that the physical distance will be tough. Discuss it. Talking about it before they’re gone can make all the difference.
2. Realize that it is natural for friendships to grow and sometimes they aren’t always in the way we expected. This can strengthen the friendship in ways you did not even imagine.
3. Snapchat, FaceTime, Skype, Tango, Facebook Messenger. You pick. Literally all of these are great ways to stay connected. Once they get to where they are going, schedule a little video tour! This may seem cheesy, but at least you are experiencing their new journey with them.
4. Using video services are great ways to continue doing things you would have done with them there. Movies are an easy thing to watch on both sides, and it can feel like they’re still there. Except you don’t have to share the chips you bought even after you asked if they wanted anything and they said no. Why do you still want my chips!?
5. Keep in touch. This may seem like a no-brainer, but with the stress of everyday, school, work, and new relationships, staying in touch can be harder than you realize. Calling, texting, maybe even go down to that post office on Kramer and send a gosh darn written letter.
There are infinite tips on how to stay close when someone moves away, but the healthiest way to keep a relationship going after someone has moved is to realize that each of you are going to grow, and experience, and turn into better versions of yourselves. On the days you do get to connect, you can share these things! You will have so many other topics to discuss! Saying this though relationships can fade and being okay with that and truly cherishing each other as growing individuals will make all of this so much easier.
Q: I might be in love with one of my best friends, but he identifies as a guy and plans on having top surgery, but not bottom surgery. I don’t know what to do.
A: Wow, I’m super happy you decided to reach out, and I’m looking to really provide you with some direction, or at least comfort. Falling in love is difficult in itself, let alone it being with your best friend (trust me, been there), plus them transitioning. This may be an overwhelming time for your friend, and telling them how you feel might be a little unsettling for them. In a world that already unforgiving, they may be relying on their family and friends to keep them on top of everything. Now, this is not to say that you should keep your feelings inside, but instead give yourself time to really realize how you feel about everything before telling them.
Falling in love with your best friend feels inevitable once it has happened. You do everything together, you know all of each other’s secrets, you are undeniably forgiving, and always the shoulder to cry on. If it weren’t so perfect, it wouldn’t be the number one plot line for romantic comedies. Give yourself time to sort out how you feel about their choices. You are an amazing friend who I believe will support them in any choice they make. So, let them decide how they intend on living in their body, and continue to figure out how you feel romantically.
You’re dealing with a lot right now, love is super tricky, but also super amazing. I think that some deep internal reflection will really help. All of this aside, I would say hold off. Hold off for you, and hold off for them. As they are taking this time to discover themselves, you can bless yourself with doing the same.