Everything wrong with everything
McMorris & McMorris is it
Article: Kyle Leitch – Production Manager
Like, omg. It, like, totally, finally happened. There was, like, something so groady on TV that, like, I got…what’s the opposite of smart?
So, like, I’ve been eating this rank smelling tuna and drinking this swan’s blood to get my cognitive capacity past the point that’s usually reserved for the most brain-dead jackanapes! Hallelujah! It looks like my strict intelligential diet has paid off! Now I can cut McMorris & McMorris into ribbons, as it so properly deserves.
The show focuses on the brothers McMorris, Craig and Mark, whom we are all supposed to revere as the shiny golden gods of “extreme” sports. Hey, assclowns! You know what’s more impressive than sliding down a hill on an oblong airbrushed cookie sheet? Literally everything else on the whole damn planet, that’s what. I’ve talked to five-year-olds who are better spoken and engaging than these two bronzed monkeys.
So, the two bastard offspring of Shawn White and an Oompa-Loompa try to bro up every “wacky” situation that the writers of the show imagine the brothers getting into. From doing nothing in a car, to doing nothing in the sea, to pissing around on a snow hill, to causing property damage, there’s nothing that Mark and Craig Mc-White-Loompa won’t do for fifteen fucking minutes of fame.
As if it wasn’t bad enough that these two jabronis are the next in a long list of people that get a nationally syndicated television show for doing bugger all and being arrogant shits about it, we also get cameo appearances from URSU’s own “right, honourable” Mitch Simpson. Honestly, for as much as he adds to the show, the role of Mitch Simpson could have been played by a cucumber. Actually, a casting like that would have added some desperately needed variety to the show. There’s nothing quite like watching Mitch struggle to read the crayon-scribbled cue cards that are being held just out of sight of the camera for him.
The fact that these two have a television show actually speaks to a broader problem with the world. MTV wouldn’t have this kind of a show (nor renew the prick) if they knew that people wouldn’t watch it. Hundreds upon thousands of people crowd in front of their TVs like it’s a museum exhibit and watch with reverent awe as the McMorris brothers do stupid shit, The ‘Human Thumb’ Mama June blows the ass trumpet in church, and Phil Robertson spews hateful anti-gay rhetoric.
The problem isn’t necessarily with McMorris & McMorris. The problem is with everyone else. Since I don’t have the ample time, energy, or lung capacity to shout at everyone lese, though, a review like this will have to do. To add fuel to what has now become the raging hate fire, last production night, I had to read an article championing the antics of these two morons as “realistic television.”
I honestly don’t know why I expected more from the children of a minister from the Saskatchewan Party. I think I’m misplacing my idealism, again. What’s worse, is that these goons keep bringing up their prairie roots, like they’re trying to drag the whole province down with them. My heritage as a person from Regina, Saskatchewan, Canada has been cheapened.
For one of the promo commercials on their god-awful website, one of the McMorris brothers says that, “We won’t be talented and incredibly good looking forever.”
Here’s hoping that you don’t fall off of your snowboard and knock your teeth in, kid. And Carpe YOLO makes No. Fucking. Sense!
Screw Flanders, and screw McMorris & McMorris!