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Fear and… more fear in Israel

Netanyahu looks relaxed for someone facing down the Israeli threat./ Herr Ziffer
Netanyahu looks relaxed for someone facing down the Israeli threat./ Herr Ziffer

Israel confirmed as greatest threat to Israel’s existence

JERUSALEM– With Benjamin Netanyahu’s surprise victory in recent Israeli elections, security experts around the world have confirmed that Israel has established itself as the number one threat to Israel in the region. Authorities confirmed that there is little time remaining before Israel makes a move that would seriously imperil Israel’s existence in the region.

“We always knew that Israel was in a precarious position in the Middle East, but never did we imagine that such a formidable foe as Israel would emerge to challenge it. We fear for Israel’s future in the Middle East,” said lead security analyst Ikembe Mutongo of the United Nations.

Mutongo further noted that Netanyahu, a fierce, aggressive leader known for his vehement opposition to the two-state solution, is committed to the destruction of a democratic Israel.

“Such a leader, known to be influenced by religious extremists capable of severe violence, will present a severe threat to Israel’s existence as a pluralistic, democratic state,” said Mutongo.

Already, Netanyahu’s election has raised alarms in world capitals, with the United States taking exceptional worry. Congressional leaders have announced plans to draft legislation imposing sanctions on Israel as a way to prove their support for Israel.

U.S. House of Representatives Speaker John Boehner issued a statement saying, “Israel is America’s strongest ally in the Middle East region. As representatives of the American people, we cannot allow it go under. I speak for every member of this House when I say that we will stand with Israel by opposing the actions of this dangerous Israeli government that poses a threat to the free world and its allies.”

The Carillon informed Prime Minister Netanyahu of this campaign shortly before we went to press. In response, Netanyahu called an immediate press conference where he stated that he would immediately launch a military campaign to suppress the threat Israel poses to Israel.

Dubbed Operation National Salvation, this campaign would see extended aerial bombardment preceding a massed ground assault. Netanyahu expressed hopes that this operation would “end the threat Israel poses to Israel once and for all.”

Netanyahu added, “After we finish dealing with the Israeli threat, we can finally get around to eliminating the threats posed by Hamas, ISIS, Arabs, left-wingers, BDS activists, and Barack Obama. If Israel cannot deal with all the threats facing it, it will cease to exist.”

About taras matkovsky

I am a fairly opinionated person, willing to listen to several opinions and intervene when necessary. I like reading books on economics and history and enjoy playing video games, be they Mario platformers or Western RPG’s.