I hate your stinkin’ guts

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Graham James receives a joke instead of a punishment

What the Puck?!
Autumn McDowell
Sports Editor

The most hated man in hockey just made a few more enemies.

As if everyone didn’t hate this scumbag enough, Graham James was only sentenced to two years in prison for sexually assaulting two of his players hundreds of times.

First of all, get fucking real.

I’m not sure if I should be more mad at Canada’s legal system or at James for continuing to be a waste of perfectly good air space in the world.

Seriously, he got the same sentence as Plaxico Burress, and Burress shot himself in the foot. Yet Judge Catherine Carlson gave a convicted pedophile who caused teenage boys to endure years of torture and be scarred for life the same sentence an idiot that accidentally shot himself received, because that just makes sense, you know?

It’s actually insane. As in, mind-boggling. When the verdict was announced, I literally checked my calendar to see if it was April 1 because I thought that this had to be some horrible April Fool’s joke. But no, it is the real deal my friends.

One of the worst parts was when he walked into the courtroom with that stupid goddamn red neck warmer pulled up over his face. Here’s the kicker: that was an NHL-issued neck warmer. One can only hope that it was anything but a Calgary Flames neckwarmer, as one of the players who James abused played with that team for 10 years.

And then there was his response when the CBC and the Globe and Mail managed to track down that worthless pig in Mexico. He told them, “I’m very impressed that you found me … not that I have been hiding.”

Really? You haven’t been hiding? Then why the fuck are you in fucking Mexico, renting a gated fucking apartment right now?

Commentators all over the country are calling James’ sentence a national travesty, and I’m in agreement. I think I have said almost every demeaning word I can think of and have definitely said the word “fuck” more times in the last 500 words than I have in my entire life, but James will cause that type of reaction.

I feel slightly better now that I got that off my chest. Sorry for swearing, mom.

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