I never liked you

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The Toronto Maple Leafs make a much-needed coaching change

What the Puck?!
Autumn McDowell
Sports Editor

I don’t get around to reading many books; in fact, one of the only books that I currently have sitting on my shelf collecting dust is Why the Leafs Suck and How They Can be Fixed. Now I don’t even have to worry about reading it – not that I ever planned on it – because the Leafs have eliminated one of the main reasons that they sucked. That’s right, the Leafs have parted ways with Ron Wilson.

Had I actually read the book, I am sure that there would be at least one chapter solely devoted to Wilson and a volume devoted to Brian Burke, but let’s not even go there.

Wilson always grinded my gears from the moment I saw his grim face in a post-game interview. I am almost certain that the facial muscles that allow a person to smile are so underdeveloped in his face that it has rendered him physically unable to smile. That’s the only explanation that I could come up with for why he has a permanent scowl on his face. I have yet to come up with a theory for his forever-monotonous voice, but I am working on it.

Realistically, Wilson did nothing for the Leafs. Let’s take a look at the stats from his coaching years – after all, statistics don’t lie.

Wilson took over the head coaching duties of the Toronto Maple Leafs in 2008, since then they have missed the playoffs every year. I like those odds.

During his time as bench boss the Leafs topped out at 37 wins in 2011. They were 10th in the Eastern Conference that year. Enough said.

It’s pretty clear that Wilson was basically terrible at motivating his squad. Realistically, who would wake up every morning excited to word hard for perma-scowl? Not me, even if I was getting paid way too much to do it.

I always imagine Wilson skating around aimlessly at Leafs practice, possibly pointing his finger every now and then, maybe blowing the whistle once or twice, and taking way too many sips from the players Gatorade bottles.

I also imagine him falling on the ice when he is there by himself yet finding a way to blame it on everyone but himself.

All of these reasons could have contributed to why someone created a Facebook group titled “FIRE RON WILSON!!!” Obviously, the creator of the page knew that this matter called for caps lock and triple exclamation marks.

Although the firing of Wilson was a step in the right direction, it is only the first in a long line of steps if they want to turn the Leafs into a respectable playoff team, and allow fans to take the bags off of their heads when they dawn a jersey.

Realistically, now that they have fired Wilson, they just have to find an entire new team and get a new general manager, then maybe we can talk about possibly converting fans. As of right now, the Leafs are just a team that you are happy to bet against, because you are almost guaranteed money.

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