I put a spell on you

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image: comicvine.com

image: comicvine.com

Display of witchcraft and wizardry reviewed

Article: Charlie MacDonald – Contributor

As an avid viewer of fantasy films and a frequent player of role playing games I feel like I know my way around the supernatural. So imagine my delight when a good friend of mine hit me up with the greatest gift of all, a ticket to a magic show.

I spent hours of my time researching in order to prepare myself for this once in a lifetime spectacle. While others may have been studying for classes in order to further their academic careers, I was re familiarizing myself with all aspects of sorcery. Seven days and multiple viewings of the Harry Potter films later I felt like a regular Dr. Strange.

Of course I was just a connoisseur, a fan of the wondrous arts. I by no means could cast a simple fireball let alone control somebody’s mind. The opportunity to see a true artisan was why my anticipation was so high.

I couldn’t understand how I was the first person in line as I arrived only five hours before door opening. I was running late due to the dry cleaners not being able to cleanse a simple robe and shawl properly, but that’s a review for another day.

The doors finally opened and I promptly took my seat fifth row centre. I originally bought tickets for the first row, but quickly changed my mind as surely someone that close would get undesirable magical residue on their clothing and I had just spend most of that day hand cleaning my robe and shawl.

I read over the program as other theatergoers began to file into their seats. My excitement grew as the words “Extraordinary”, “Law Defying”, and “Recently Pardoned” flew off the pages of the pamphlet. I could not believe that such a great Man of Conjuring could show up to my house on my day of birth for as low as Twenty Canadian Dollars per sixty minutes. I knew that magic would never be as popular as it was in Massachusetts in the 17th Century, but a true sorcerer being paid less than a doctor or lawyer seems borderline socially unacceptable.

Unfortunately I could not examine that line of thought further as the theater darkened and the show began.

I have heard magic shows being described as “Cheap Parlour Tricks” and “The Sleazy Screwing Over The Simple”, but what I viewed could not fall into either of these two categories.

The sorceries this man/legend performed were so unbelievable that this reviewer   is afraid to describe them. I could not live with myself if someone were to be driven to insanity because they are unable to grasp the concept of conjuring rabbits out of formal headwear.

But, I have a responsibility to the public to report what my eyes have seen.

He warmed us up with what he told us were “simple” tricks, a theme of underselling himself that occurred throughout the show. The first trick was an obvious example his channeling/medium prowess. A woman from the audience was told to pick from a standard deck of cards, the performer (without previous knowledge of the card chosen) accurately selected the eight of hearts. The show only became more abnormal as the night wore on.

He called his assistant to the stage. She took her place inside a box on the middle of the stage. The magician cast an invulnerability spell on his disciple and without a second thought brutally cut her in half with a rusty handsaw. His assistant could not have been of this world as there was no visible blood after the sawing. I am not a religious man, but after this particular trick I began to recite what I could remember of The Lord’s Prayer as this theater began to feel unholy.

The fiber of my being could barely handle the final performance of the evening. All I can say is that sorcerers are real and they cannot be killed by human weapons. I have seen a magician catch a bullet with only his teeth and I am afraid.

I brought my concerns to this magician after his show, he assured me that these were in fact “Cheap Parlor Tricks”. But he knew my fear and I am confident that those reassurances were lies.

The message is this my readers, the fear you feel is justified. Evil is out there and it can show up to your office party for 20 bucks an hour.

Join me next time when I examine the world of the Carnival Freak Show, and a man whose only diet consists of flame.

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