Welcome once again to the most manliest and moustacheful of the months, Movember! Your friendly campus newspaper has decided to engage in a full display of unchecked manliness by engaging in a moustache-growing contest for charity – please, hold your applause.
So, we’ve thrown our nose neighbours into the ring. These four brave men and one brave woman have forgone social constructs and have embarked on a spiritual journey during which they will sport the cheesiest of moustaches for a couple of weeks until they grow back in (in the absence of moustache-growing capabilities, leg hair is substituted).
To atone for past sins and causing general unrest, we’ve pledged that all of the donations these brave participants raise over the course of their hair-growing saga will be donated directly to the Canadian Cancer Society. Ladies and gentlemen, start your fuzz!
|Julia Dima's leg|
Who’s your pick to win the moustache-growing contest?
Neil Adams: Me.
Paul Bogdan: Uh, me.
Julia Dima: Neil is my pick. I know he can grow a good beard.
Edward Dodd: That’s tough…I’ve heard if you shave constantly, your hair grows back thicker and darker. I think Neil is gonna blow us all away.
Dietrich Neu: I’m going with the dark horse; I’ll pick Ed.
How much do you anticipate raising for charity?
NA: A lot.
PB: I don’t have a significant other to blackmail. Hopefully more than fifty cents. I’d like ten bucks.
JD: I’m gonna charge my boyfriend five dollars any time he won’t have sex with me because my legs are too gross, so enough.
ED: I fully expect to raise almost nothing. People don’t wanna bet on this horse.
DN: One million dollars.
What do you think your moustache will look like in one month?
NA: Like John Wilkes Boothe (We asked. Not like Boothe’s moustache, but literally like John Wilkes Boothe)
PB: Like Julia’s leg hair
JD: My leg hair will look like Paul’s moustache
ED: I wanna say as glorious as Wilhelm II’s, but it’ll probably end up looking more like Freddie Mercury
DN: In one month? Like the end of one of those plastic brooms.
Readers can vote on a winner over the course of November. Each vote costs $5, which The Carillon will donate on their behaf to the Canadian Cancer Society. If you would like to make a donation, please contact the editor-in-chief at email@example.com