The worst of the worst duke it out
Author: Ethan Butterfield – Contributor
With every list of good things, there is one of the bad stuff. Hopefully everyone will enjoy my Top 5 Bad Nicolas Cage Movies List. I know a certain actor who won’t.
First up on the list is Next, starring Nicolas Cage. In this film, Mr. Rage in a Cage plays a man with psychic abilities in which he can see the future. Now to get right down to it, this movie isn’t necessarily bad. The reason that it makes the list, however, is because it commits the most heinous sin that a movie can make. I am referring to, of course, the “IT WAS ALL A DREAM” ending. Though, technically, it’s a vision, that does not excuse the fact! It makes your film look lazily written like a Dr. Seuss book, and half as interesting too.
- Season of the Witch
Next is Season of the Witch, not to be confused with Season of the Ditch or Season of the Itch. In this film starring Cage, he plays a knight of the old crusade that’s transporting a witch. But, he soon learns that some serious shit’s going down when all is not what it seems to be. Let me sum up reasons to see this film: It has Ron Perlman in it. I hope you weren’t expecting more, because that’s it. Christopher Lee’s in it too, but that feels more like an apology for a film that’s coming up later on this list.
Keeping up with the trend of The Cage’s large Page of Beige roles (oh wow, that was awful) is Knowing. Knowing is an apocalypse film that had the Repo Men problem of not ending soon enough. To explain, it was a good film that ended up being terrible by finishing with the laziest of endings. Spoilers! It was aliens… Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull, anyone?
- Wicker Man
Anybody who knows the name Nicolas Cage knows why this is on the list. “NOOO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES!” I’ve never seen a serious film that looked like a comedy until I saw this. The thing is, though, more people are familiar with the Cage version rather than the better Christopher Lee film of the same name. Honestly, it’s just bad, there’s no other roundabout way of saying it.
- Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
Holy shit… I can’t even begin… Look, the first Ghost Rider was a little bumpy, but okay. Next to this, though, it deserves the Oscar for Best Picture. I cannot begin to tell you the tears of disappointment I cried. It was worse than Wicker Man, because that at least made me laugh! What was the point of making a new Ghost Rider film if you were just going to do a new storyline without bringing back any existing characters that we tried to get invested with in the first one? It’s like the Alien 3 of superhero films, except Alien 3 didn’t want to make me vomit out my insides.
Well there it is, my bottom five films that all star Nicolas Cage. I’m now off to watch National Treasure. See you next time… hopefully.