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Our New Years Resolution

Doughnuts

Author: Carillon Staff

As we welcome 2016, the wretched hive of cynicism that is the Carillon would like to share our New Years Resolution with you. Hope you enjoy, and good luck with your resolutions! (Spoiler alert: You won’t achieve them)

 

Jae Won Hur – Op-Ed Editor

 

New Year’s resolutions, in my opinion, are merely our effort to configure, visualize and express what our best self would look like. Every one of us has elements within our life that we doubt, fear, or are unsure of about ourselves. Naturally, we draw contrasting and opposite characteristics to the aforementioned deficiencies and strive for those characteristics to better ourselves.

As a result, my New Year’s Resolution is to become the ideal, superhuman of my liking. For smarts, I will develop my brain and intellectual abilities to write like Hemingway, memorize like Mike Ross from Suits and develop Jedi-esque instincts. I will lift so much weight so I can look like Arnold in his prime, while my aerobic capacity will be far greater than Michael Phelps’. I will develop the facial bone structures of Ryan Gosling, develop great habits resembling a Buddhist monk, carry the cool of Don Draper and have as much fun living life as Vinny Chase from Entourage does.

Sounds far-fetched, doesn’t it? Perhaps New Year’s Resolutions are just another stupid way for us to dwell on the sense of self-doubt we have about ourselves. Self-improvement and betterment is amazing, but perhaps we should make gradual steps throughout our daily life, instead of trying to become our version of a superhuman.

 

Jael Bartnik – Multimedia Editor

 

Another year has passed and we’re finally here. 2016 is finally upon us, promising a fresh start after what may have been a less than spectacular year for most. It truly is the dawning of a new era. The age of peace and prosperity is upon us! What exactly should be done to mark this momentous occasion? Resolutions! Make a giant list of things that you either need to give up or change about yourself. Hopefully, you still stay motivated to do these things if the self-loathing and post New Years hangover doesn’t stop you. My 2015 wasn’t horrible, but I think there are a few more things I could probably accomplish in 2016. Maybe I should laugh, love and live more? Perhaps it’s time to go on an adventure and discover myself. Living a healthy and happy life style might be in order. It’s time for a more organized and productive year and succeed in all my endeavors. Or perhaps it’s time I stop basing all my resolutions off of motivational posters and fortune cookies. I think my resolution is to stay the same. I’m just going to eat pizza, watch more movies, and survive another semester of school while appreciating my fellow humans (at least the ones I like).

 

Taylor MacPherson – News Editor

 

2015 was a pretty good year, but I’ll be honest, I didn’t accomplish everything I set out to. I tried so hard! All those early morning workouts, late-night writing marathons, and cutting back on my smoking did improve my life significantly, but there were goals I didn’t meet. My hair, for example, did not grow back in 2015. Likewise, my goal of winning a UFC title belt went cruelly unmet.

The only thing that took away the sting of failure was the knowledge that my friends were abandoning their own resolutions as well. With that in mind, I think that this year, I’m going to make myself feel better by helping others fail their resolutions rather than making any of my own.

Just this morning, I went to the gym and handed out doughnuts. After that, I switched out all the decaf for regular. Oh, and one of my friends resolved to quit smoking, so I broke into his apartment and hid full packages of cigarettes everywhere. He won’t last the week.

The trick to New Year’s resolutions, it turns out, is not keeping your own promises to yourself, but rather gleefully chuckling when others fail at theirs. Schadenfreude, after all, is so much more fun than envy.

 

John Loeppky – Sports Editor

 

My New Year’s resolution is to accomplish the impossible. With the coming of 2016, the cosmos’ conscience has bestowed upon me the understanding that this will be the year of tuition drops, a rise in on-campus parking spaces, holes in infrastructure being filled to satisfactory standards, and the University of Regina clambering to the top of the Maclean’s rankings. How will I make this smorgasbord of the improbably possible, you ask? I will bend this campus to my will. Signs will disappear at my command. The residences will be turned into a connected set of palaces at the flick of my wrist. Should I hear of plagiarism, the ground will quiver at my feet. This is what you have to look forward to, earthlings… uh… fellow students. Your UR Courses pages shall no longer stand in shambles as they shall be gloriously organized and, with one snap of my fingers, the gravel pits that masquerade as adequate parking spaces will transform into tarmac paradises – the likes of which this campus has never feasted its eyes upon. Lastly, you shall bow before me as I accept my undergraduate degree. If nothing else, remember that final one.

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