Roundtable

Joey Chestnut has some competition/Haley Klassen

Burnin’ jerseys and smashing hot dogs

Article: The Carillon’s finest sports junkies: Taylor Sockett, Kyle Leitch, Matt Wincherauk, and Brady Lang

1. The Saskatchewan Roughriders have started the season 1-2 after being on the bad end of two lopsided games. What does the team need to reach the status they were at last season?

Sockett: Looking at last game, what don’t they need? What stands out most to me is the lack of quality linebackers the Riders defense has. It’s going to be tough to shut down top running teams with the group of bums we’ve got back there. Anybody who is saying we should have paid to keep Butler, he is also a bum – just a more expensive one.

Leitch: They need to see what the Brazilian futbol team did in their semi-final against Germany, and then do the opposite of that. You can’t be World Dodgeball Champion and be good at any other ball-related sport.

Wincherauk: They don’t need to change much. The last thing this team needs is major changes, and more moving parts. They really just needed a slap in the face to bring them back down to earth, and that’s what the Argo fiasco did.

Lang: Receivers. Darian can’t do it all by himself, he needs some help. The defense will just need more time to adjust to injuries, so I think this team just needs time.

2. The World Cup has been completely insane this year, what has been your favourite moment of the tournament?

Sockett: England being so awesome they actually won the whole tournament, just nobody knows about it. I’ve got to go with that teething little infant Suarez biting that guy. Mostly because it’s the third time it’s happened, I think Suarez has for biting what Tigers Woods has for strippers – a completely real problem that is in no way shape or form made up.

Leitch: The Guardian‘s report about the BBC after the game: “Germany’s World Cup semi-final clash with Brazil was a big night for BBC sport – and its team generally did a creditable job of avoiding crass wartime analogies in describing the winners.” Quoth the bastard, nevermore.

Wincherauk:My personal favorite moment just out of pure entertainment was the phenomena of Tim Howard, the U.S. Goal Keeper. He can literally save everything. Just go on Twitter and see for yourself.

Lang: I’m not much of a soccer fan, but the Suarez bite was pretty hardcore.

3. The biggest news of this NBA offseason is the possible dismantling of the Miami Heat, most notably with LeBron James. Where will the King end up?

Sockett: Who cares. Hopefully, somewhere with A/C, maybe he’ll go to Toronto. Just kidding. I bet he will go back to Cleveland and all the fans will have to go out and buy new LeBron jerseys cause they shit all over the ones they had when he left.

Leitch: Sucking ass at free-throw competitions and shilling for Big Macs and Icy Hot.

Wincherauk:Well, we do know where he ended up, home in Cleveland, but for the past week or so I thought that’s where he’d end up. Playing with two first overall picks in Kyrie Irving and Canadian phenom Andrew Wiggins was a lot more tantalizing that being in Miami.

Lang: Cleveland. That’s where he should have been the whole time. LeBron is Cleveland. I can’t wait to see TMZ sports covering LeBron and Johnny Football tearin’ up all of Ohio this year.

4. What is your prediction for the 2014 Rams season? An improvement on last seasons 2-6 record?

Sockett: They need work, especially with the Regina Thunder winning it all last year. Let’s face it, you’ve got to give credit to the Thunder because if you would have put them on the same field as the Rams last year they would have spanked them up and down the field. The Rams have a lot of work to do they should have poached as many players from that championship Thunder team as possible, because let’s face it they need all the help they can get.

Leitch: *Mad typing can be heard in the background* Compu’er says “no.”

Wincherauk:I expect an improvement, no doubt, but not anything major. This is still a young and inexperienced team, and they just need more game time to get better. I’m more excited for the 2015 season.

Lang: Maybe a little bit, but nothing too drastic. I believe that they’re still “rebuilding” and people need to give them more time to develop the program as a whole.

5. American hero Joey Chestnut recently crushed 61 hot dogs at the annual Nathan’s Famous Fourth of July Hot Dog Eating Contest at Coney Island. If you had the chance, how many hot dogs could you eat in the 10-minute window?

Sockett: Personally I’m a one, maybe two, hotdog kind of guy, unless there slathered in chili and cheese that is. Who you need to be asking this question to is old timer fuck goof Kyle Leitch. I have a quote from a credible source that if a meal doesn’t give Kyle the “meat sweats,” he gets upset. So, to conclude, it is my hypothesis that Kyle can pack away hotdogs like it’s his day job.

Leitch:I don’t think it should be a measure of how many, but the quality of the dogs. Give me, like, five chili cheese dogs, and that should take up ten minutes of my time.

Wincherauk: I’ve got a weak, and relatively small stomach. Not to mention, I might be the slowest eater on the planet. I’d eat maybe two, and that’s all you’re getting out of me.

Lang: As long as I can stuff down more dogs than Kyle “the Legend” Leitch, I can die a happy man.