Actual conversations heard around the office
by the staff
Another Monday means another production night, which means another round of Shit the Carillon says. Once more we jump into the fray and enter that collective urine-soaked hellhole that is our staff’s thoughts. Enjoy yet another edition of Shit the Carillon says!
I’m like Peter Pan except I’m going to kick your ass!
We should do a podcast on the semantics of hate mail.
I am fucking punny!
It would take 124 Warren Buffets at least to pay off Canada’s national debt at this point.
My pants are covered in science!
Bow before the might of the Great Wall of Henderson’s sandwich counter!
My grandma bought a flask for me for my sixteenth birthday.
Grandma knows where it’s at.
On the phone:
No, nobody threatened me.
That email you just got reads like that scene from that Annie. You know, where Daddy Warbucks reads aloud what he’s supposed to do: “Drop Page. Warbucks continues.” Except in this case, it reads “Mr. Chmielewski. Assmunch!”
Answering the phone:
City Jail. No, this is Bob….McKenzie?
Wait, there’s only three people in your class? Are you guys are all uber competitive? You should thunderdome that shit.
Why does everything you touch turn to shit? You’re the like the Shit-Midas.
Did you buy all those markers and crayons? You’re like the crazy cat lady for Crayola.
You were in Muay Thai? Why aren’t you a ninja?
I was better at just punching people.
I’m going to start putting legal contracts with all my articles that say by reading the following, you agree not to sue.
I just had a Clerks moment there.
This is why you’re in Political Science. You artistic value to life is nil.
You guys really have to stop singing in the office or start paying for vocal lessons.Image: Farron Ager