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Sports Roundtable

This week we sat down with Matt Wincherauk, Kristian Ferguson, Brady Lang, and John Loeppky to talk about sports.

Look at all those sports fans/Wikimedia

Round tables are the best kind of tables

1. The Rams won again this week and a press release from the University of Regina claims that they might climb into the CIS Top Ten [UPDATE: They are now ranked 9th]. How long do you think the team can keep this up?

Brady: They’re finally good again!! Anyways, I think that they’re going to be in the top ten and actually make a run. The offence is incredible and the defence is stingy. As long as they continue on and stay healthy, we get to watch playoff football!

 

John: I think the team will lose to the Dinos, but it will be a close game. I think the thing the team lacked in the past, and which many U of R teams still struggle with, is confidence. The Rams are on the upswing – you can tell because they don’t hate our articles – and that’s a good thing for the campus as a whole.

 

Destiny: I have faith! I have faith! My guess is these dawgies will keep winning. Maybe I’m being too optimistic, but whatever. Go Rams! Go top ten! Mind you, I’m way overtired right now, so I really have no idea what I’m saying.

 

Kristian: If one Rider win is enough to make us “Grey Cup hopefuls”, a few Rams wins means that we are obviously CIS champions.

 

Matt: I certainly hope so. We like to have fun with the sports teams here on campus, but honestly it’s a good thing when they succeed. A lot of great athletes doing good things. Here’s hoping they can continue to find success this season.

 

2. The University of Regina has a synchronized swimming team that is looking for new members. Would you be willing to join and, if so, what unique skills could you bring to the squad?

Matt: I have all the grace of a sinking stone, so I’m not exactly sure how much help I would be. I stay away from the water like Destiny stays away from leg day.

 

Destiny: OMG there’s nothing I’d like to do more than put on matching swim caps and matching swimsuits with a group of synchronized swimmers who WILL OWN ME AT THAT SPORT BECAUSE I HATE SWIMMING AND WOULD PROBABLY DROWN.

 

Brady: Uhh…no. Like I can float well if that helps?

 

Kristian: I would join the synchronized swimming team. My unique skill would be emulation of a whale or other large blubbered water animal.

 

John: I’d join… as the mascot. I’m also available for their first aid training when they need a dummy to save from the bottom of the pool. Is this idea stupid? Yes. Am I perfectly suited for it? Sure am!

Matt: I have all the grace of a sinking stone, so I’m not exactly sure how much help I would be. I stay away from the water like Destiny stays away from leg day.

 

Destiny: OMG there’s nothing I’d like to do more than put on matching swim caps and matching swimsuits with a group of synchronized swimmers who WILL OWN ME AT THAT SPORT BECAUSE I HATE SWIMMING AND WOULD PROBABLY DROWN.

 

Brady: Uhh…no. Like I can float well if that helps?

 

Kristian: I would join the synchronized swimming team. My unique skill would be emulation of a whale or other large blubbered water animal.

 

John: I’d join… as the mascot. I’m also available for their first aid training when they need a dummy to save from the bottom of the pool. Is this idea stupid? Yes. Am I perfectly suited for it? Sure am!

 

3. If you could be one athlete for a day who would it be and why?

John: I’d want to be Paralympic athlete Zak Madell, mostly because I’m friends with him and it kind of feels like being a sports rock star is a fun gig. He also happens to be a super kind dude who I’ve travelled the country with. Not a bad former partner-in-crime.

 

Brady: Johnny Manziel. I feel like I’m the toned down Regina version of Manziel anyways. It would be a quick and easy transition.

 

Destiny: John Loeppky. He’s my favourite wheelchair homie who kicks butt at sports. My dream is to be him when I grow up.

 

Kristian: Sorry Matt, I’d be Tom Brady. What does he keep in that fantastically large head of his?

 

Matt: Kristian doesn’t get to be Tom Brady, because I called dibs on TFB. No one understands Tom like I do.

 

4. Why do  you think the sports section never gets hated on as much as, say, A & C?

 

Destiny: Because I rarely write sports articles. Also ‘cause athletes don’t read the newspaper…they’re too busy sportsing, so they got no time for hatin.’

 

Brady: Because I write here again. Sorry, Matt and John. You have to deal with me again. Time to piss more people off!!

 

Kristian: Everyone is already accustomed to being mad at sports, clearly. An age-old tradition of hating the player, not the game.

 

John: Because Destiny doesn’t write here much. Also, because athletes generally have to mind their words so that they don’t get in trouble. We also don’t write headlines like “Why do the (insert team here) suck?” Now, we’re smarter about it. We just imply it.

 

Matt: Because the last sports editor left such a wonderful lasting impact on the readers of the sports section. That guy was great. I’m not a narcissist, why do you ask?

 

5. If you were going to create a sports franchise from scratch what sport would you pick and what would their name be?

Brady:  I’d definitely go to hockey in this department. I’d put in a team in Regina – because that would be amazing, wouldn’t make any money, but you know, whatever. Anyways I’d market them as the Regina Pats because that would be super Regina-esque. I’d trade the farm for Ryan Getzlaf and 110 per cent make it a full Saskatchewan team. At least we’d have more points then the Edmonton Oilers.

 

Destiny: Cat shows…where people could train their cats to do tricks and compete in stadiums. They’d like groom their cats and run them through obstacle courses. So basically like equestrian, except with cats…and you don’t ride the cats…and I’d name the franchise after myself ‘cause I’m awesome.

 

Kristian: I’d make a football team named “The Lottery” whose strict goal would be to always lose to one team on purpose each year. Drawn at random. The Riders could have an even better chance at the Grey Cup! [Editor’s note: they have a team in the NBA that aims for the lottery, they’re called the 76ers]

 

Matt: Basketball. I would name them the “Basketball People,” because they are people who play basketball. I’m great at this naming thing. Still a better name than the Las Vegas Black Knights.

 

John: I’d name it the Elma and Wilbert Dream Team and it would just be the Cougars women’s softball team. Pretty simple, really. Either that or would be a beer league team called the Carillon’s liver, most of our members would spend time reading hate mail and drinking.

About John Loeppky

I am an athlete with a writing problem, or a writer with a sports problem, you decide. When I'm not editing, playing wheelchair sports, or advocating for the disabled, you can find me de-stressing with friends.