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Sports Roundtable

As if anyone will be able to actually boycott the NHL

Braden Dupuis, Kris Klein, Paige Kreutzwieser, Autumn McDowell

Cougars men’s hockey team member Matt Strueby recently signed a deal with the ECHL’s Colorado Eagles. How do you think his absence will affect the team as they make a run at the playoffs?

Dupuis: Losing one of your top scorers can’t be easy for any team, let alone one that’s poised to make a run at the playoffs for the first time in years, so you’ve got to assume it will have some sort of effect. With only three weeks left in the season and some tough games coming up, all bets are off at this point.

Klein: First of all, good for Strueby. Couldn’t have happened to a better guy. The Cougars are now missing their number one center and a leader in the locker room that someone is going to have to fill. Maybe they could see if Scott Gomez could come play. I don’t think he is too busy nowadays.

Kreutzwieser: I wish I could offer a logical answer for this but I can’t. However, I can say I’ve been to Colorado and I’m jealous he gets to live there and I’m stuck in Regina – not fair.  

McDowell: It sucks to see a good player, and even better drinker, leave the Cougars. However, his move away from the team gives the chance for another boozebag to make his mark with the Green and Gold – and his name is Drew Czerwonka. I’m expecting big things from this kid – who claimed he wanted to go to welding school mere months ago but ended up here.

Longtime Montreal Alouette’s head coach Marc Trestman will be leaving the team to become the new bench boss with the Chicago Bears in the NFL. Will Montreal fall apart without him?

Dupuis: Did you guys see Trestman’s greased back hair and extreme discomfort at the Bears’ presser? What a douche. It sure is starting to look like the Al’s are in decline, isn’t it? Trestman’s gone and Calvillo is like, 50 or something. Good riddance, assholes. It’s just too bad the Riders couldn’t beat them on the big stage, when they were at their best.

Klein: God I really, really, really hope so. Maybe the Riders can actually beat Montreal for a change instead of disappointing me and causing me to throw my remote through my television time after time.

Kreutzwieser: When you lose a head coach who helps a team win something like four division titles and two Grey Cups, it’s hard to see it not hindering the Alouettes. But they’re a strong team so shouldn’t Montreal be able to hold it together without him? Who knows?

McDowell: I wish. Unfortunately, Montreal is just too good of a team to instantly flop at the loss of a head coach. With that talented asshole still at quarterback the Alouettes will be a force in the CFL next year, even without Trestman’s immaculately and obviously waxed eyebrows. There, I said it. I’ve wanted to get that off my chest for a while.

With the lockout finally over, and a 50-game season set to begin on Jan. 19, are you going to be one of the people who boycotts the National Hockey League this season?

Dupuis: I was as pissed off about the lockout as anyone, but I never once said I wouldn’t watch when hockey came back. As disgusting as it is at times, professional sport is a business, and soulless money grabbing is an unfortunate but inevitable side effect. I’m just happy the wait is over. Go Habs.

Klein: I can’t, I really can’t. I have missed it so much that I can’t boycott it. What I can do is kill Gary Bettman after I buy a Ben Scrivens jersey. Scrivens you’re my boy!

Kreutzwieser: I am actually going to attempt to follow the season this year. Thank goodness it’s a short one – a regularly sized season would probably lose my attention. I’m sure I’m not the only one who got really bored watching the Canucks on Saturday. Zing.

McDowell: I’m nowhere near stubborn enough to follow through with a boycott. Let the record show that although I mercilessly displayed my undying hatred towards Gary Bettman on a weekly basis, not once did I claim I would boycott the NHL when it came back. For those that do boycott, I plan to make it nearly impossible for them to follow through with by demeaning their favourite teams to their face. So nothing new, really.

Rumours are swirling that Tim Tebow could be headed to the Canadian Football League. If Tebow was signed to the Saskatchewan Roughriders, what would your reaction be?

Dupuis: I would LMFAO and maybe even ROFL. Possibly simultaneously. Then I would get online and pre-order my Riders Tebow jersey because, seriously? That’s just too fucking funny. Tebow-mania comes to Riderville, and Saskatchewan disappears up its own asshole. Metaphorically speaking, of course.

Klein: Burning all my Rider gear, burning down the GM’s house, shooting Tebow at the airport and then blowing up Mosaic Stadium. Nuff said.

Kreutzwieser: Embarrassment. That’s what I would feel. The poor guy wouldn’t stand a chance. You think Jets fans hate him? Try coming to Riderville, already being hated by so many, and playing in front of the CFL’s wildest crowd. It wouldn’t be a pretty sight.

McDowell: I would probably puke in my mouth a little bit, in fact just the thought of that happening made me grunt in disgust. I feel bad for whoever buys a Tebow jersey, because they will never hear the end of it from me. It wouldn’t be quite as bad as wearing a Getzlaf jersey in public, but it’s up there.

Lance Armstrong finally came clean and admitted to doping throughout his career. How have your opinions of Armstrong changed?

Dupuis: Who cares if Armstrong did drugs? He won the Tour seven times, was the first man on the moon and fronted the most important band in rock history, Green Day. And he did it all with one testicle. Leave him alone, Oprah, you attention-sucking blob. I’m much more concerned about the future of notorious pothead Justin Bieber. #CutForBieber #420NO

Klein: The fact is the guy still had cancer, he still only has one ball, and he is still rich as fuck. I still think it’s amazing that he came back from having cancer to even riding a bike again. He is still a figurehead in never giving up and is a true survivor. Like Ben Scrivens.

Kreutzwieser: I saw a picture from a library (whether real or fake) that sums up how my opinion has changed about Armstrong. It read: “All Non-Fiction Lance Armstrong books will soon be moved to the Fiction section.” That’s got to hurt.

McDowell: Part of me thinks this is hilarious, and the line that Lance Armstrong and I have won the same amount of Tour de France’s never gets old. However, though a liar, Armstrong did raise over $500 million for cancer research, which would never have happened had he not stabbed himself in the butt with a needle full of drugs on a daily basis.

Photo courtesy of The Canadian Press

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