Jonathan Hamelin, David Carnegie, Autumn McDowell, John Cameron
This week's roundtable
What is one new sports club you would like to start or see started here at the university?
Jonathan Hamelin: I think a hot dog eating club would be amazing. We could help develop the next Joey Chestnut or Takeru Kobayashi, current professional hot dog eaters. You’d only need hot dogs, buns, and maybe some water so funding would not be a problem. I couldn’t see recruiting being a problem either.
David Carnegie: We need a Jay Onrait and Dan O'Toole Fan Club. Hands down, they are the best. Just don’t ask Producer Tim.
Autumn McDowell: If someone else wants to take the initiative and possibly start one for mixed martial arts, I would be in support of that as I am quite obsessed with it. Seeing as how it’s the fastest-growing sport in the world, maybe the university should get with the times.
John Cameron: Is there a club for fat guys who want to hit the gym? Whenever I go to exercise, I just feel conscious of how much I’m sweating and how weird fat bouncing around on bone feels. If I was rolling like three or four deep with other fat dudes, I wouldn’t need to drink heavily before going to the gym in order to “calm my nerves.”
The Saskatchewan Roughriders moved within two points of the Calgary Stampeders for first in the West Division this past weekend. Will they surpass the Stamps when all is said and done?
Hamelin: I’d like to think so. Calgary has to face a powerful Montreal Alouettes squad twice still. On top of that, they have to play the Riders at Mosaic Stadium. Whenever they have to come to Regina, they basically get assaulted by all the noise. Saskatchewan can easily make up two points under those circumstances.
Carnegie: The Stamps are not that good. They have yet to play the Montreal Alouettes (their home and home series starts this weekend) and then they have to play the Riders back at Mosaic Stadium one more time. Plus, did you see the last game against B.C.? I didn’t. It was garbage. Riders will finish first.
McDowell: Yes, because when all is said and done, the Riders will be Grey Cup champs. Naturally, they will have to get by the Stamps to do it.
Cameron: One thing about the Stampeders is that they tend to win games based on strategy, teamwork and well-executed plays. This stands in sharp contrast to the Riders’ strategy of hoping for a miracle every third down, and I mean every. Single. Third. Down.
The Edmonton Eskimos hired Eric Tillman as their general manager earlier this month. Too soon?
Hamelin: Is it too soon for Tillman to take advantage of the free babysitting service at work? That is the real question. In all seriousness, Tillman will need to keep his eyes on the prize and off of the babysitter.
Carnegie: Too soon? Not soon enough for Eskimo fans who want to win. Oh, you want to talk about all the other baggage that Tillman brings with him? Sorry, I'm talking about winning football games. It won’t be as easy for Tillman as it was with the team Shivers set up for him in Saskatchewan, but he’s good and he’ll make a contender out of Edmonton in a season or two.
McDowell: No, even creeps need jobs. If the struggling Eskimos are the only ones that offer him one, so be it. I don’t blame him for taking the job and I don’t blame the Eskies for hiring Tillman. At this point, neither the team nor Tillman have anything to lose by trying.
Cameron: I’ve had like a nasty feeling in my stomach for about two months. It turns out my body has just been reacting to Tillman’s hiring! Thank God. I can cancel the appointment with my gastroenterologist. He’s a nice doctor, but I was not looking forward to that appointment. Thanks, Eric Tillman, you creepy hedgehog-looking fuck!
Toronto Blue Jays slugger Jose Bautista recently surpassed the 50 homerun mark on the season. Before this season, he hadn’t even hit 20 homeruns in a season. Is he on steroids?
Hamelin: If he is good for him. Maybe the rest of the Blue Jays can follow suit and then they might make the fucking playoffs for a change.
Carnegie: Bautista has a batting order that works in his favour. Pitchers have to give him something to hit with other threats in the lineup. Not to mention he is actually playing this season, unlike other years where he was a backup.
McDowell: No. I’m tired of everyone thinking that because someone is unreal that they have to be on the juice. What pro athlete has been caught for steroids recently after an unreal performance anyways? Oh wait. Chael Sonnen. Okay, he’s on steroids.
Cameron: Dude doesn’t look swole enough to be on steroids. And yes, “swole” is a word. It’s in the Wiktionary.
Michael Vick, who is out of jail after being arrested for his illegal dog fighting ring, is having success with the Philadelphia Eagles. Did he deserve this second chance?
Hamelin: Look, let’s throw Vick a bone. We are really leaving him in the doghouse here. He has made his mistakes, but every dog has his day. Vick simply barked up the wrong tree. Wait, what was the question?
Carnegie: What he did was wrong. It was terrible. It was against the law and so he should be locked up in jail for the rest of his – oh my gosh! Did you see that touchdown pass he just threw? Go Eagles!
McDowell: Yes. No question. The guy is an unreal player. He did his time and now he can get back in the game. Obviously, he isn’t exactly the poster boy of the league, but you can’t deny how good this kid is. I know I’ll enjoy watching him.
Cameron: I’m reveling in this. I want him to start every game. I want him to be the top QB in the NFL. I want him on boxes of Wheaties. I want America to have to reconcile its admiration of and love for prodigiously talented athletes with its revulsion at dog murder.