Stop Taking Pictures at the New Sign

and realize U R screwed

“I am not Saddam, I have no scar”

Almost every time I drive past the University of Regina, I see happy little people (who I assume to be freshman) posing by the new sign, smiling their faces off, sometimes throwing up a peace sign or two, and getting their picture taken by friends or family.

Whenever I witness this occurrence, I chuckle and say to myself, “Little do these people know that behind that sign is a place where dreams will be crushed and where the smiles will be wiped off of their faces.”

‘Cause, seriously, let’s be real here. Going to the U of R means you’re not in high school anymore. So, for all of you folks who came to the U of R directly out of high school, crumple up that picture of you grinning by the U of R sign and prepare for misery. Say goodbye to the five-paragraph essays you wrote in high school. At the U of R you have to write *gasp* six-paragraph essays – sometimes even ten-page essays! You probably won’t survive.

And, to all new students at the U of R, whether you’re straight outta high school, a transfer student, or some other student that fits into some other category, chances are you’ll fail at least one class before you graduate. Welcome to university! Failing is expected. So don’t feel bad when it happens… unless you fail everything, get put on academic probation, keep failing, and eventually get expelled. That would actually suck.

Thus, you may as well re-take that picture by the sign and throw up a thumbs down instead of that ridiculous, overly-happy peace sign. Because, behind that sign, you will walk into a building filled with professors you will not be able to understand, way too many people who flow through the halls stinking it up with their unique body odors, and janitors who ride their riding mops all over and block the halls.

Heck, even flip the bird at the sign, ‘cause as soon as you enter the U of R, you will be faced with the reality that you must sell your entire soul in order to have enough money to pay for your textbooks.

Goodness gracious, and don’t even think about being excited to live in residence if that’s the case for you. The U of R residences resemble little jails, guarded by security, where no fun is allowed unless you break the rules. So, change that excitement to dread, anxiety, and utter despair.

Let me continue. For all you new gym rats who take pics flexing by the U of R sign ‘cause you’re so pumped to workout at this big ol’ awesome university gym, here’s a dose of reality. Behind that sign is a gym that isn’t actually as awesome as you think it is. There’s not even a good time to go workout ever because it’s so darn busy. Except, of course, if you go workout at midnight…oh wait, it doesn’t even stay open until then.

But, go ahead. Stand by that U of R sign with pride, flash that pearly white “I’m-so-pumped-for-school” smile for the camera, and capture the memory of that smile. ‘Cause chances are, that’ll be the last time you smile at the U of R until next year when school’s out for the summer.