The Andrew Wiggins Diary

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Already on the bandwagon./Haley Klassen

Already on the bandwagon./Haley Klassen

What does the number one pick in the NBA think about in his spare time?

Author: john loeppky – contributor

Andrew Wiggins, NBA wunderkind and Canadian boy, has the stresses of the NBA weighing on him as the regular season inches towards its beginning. To deal will these frustrations, Wiggins has decided to write down his thoughts and feelings for the Carillon to publish.

Thursday Jun. 26, 2014

Dear Diary,

YES! Championships for days. Imagine the parties, the workouts, the public relations opportunities, the shoe deals, the girls, the parties! Johnny Manziel and me? Forget about it. LeBron is going to come back and we are going to take over this town! Better yet, they’ll never trade me. I mean, Dion Waiters or me, who are you going to trade first? At least I pass the damn ball.

Saturday, Jul. 12, 2014

LEBRON’S BACK BABY! WITNESS THE GREATNESS! Do you think he’ll let me copy some of his moves? Do you think his wife has any cute friends? What if he lets me sleep under his bed to try and absorb his powers? Nah, then I’d be too much like Anthony. He’s started wearing my shooting shirts AFTER shoot-around. Doesn’t he know that makes him stinky and terrible?

Thank god I was drafted to the Cavs. I mean, what could I learn from Kevin Love? Probably the ultimate pouty face, or how to be hated by your coach in five seconds flat. I’m Canadian, no way I could play that game. I’m in this for the long haul.

Hey, that’s Johnny Football. Time to go and celebrate us bringing winning back to Cleveland. Pray we don’t injure ourselves.

Tuesday, Jul. 15, 2014

Ok, I have to admit something: my teammates are really weird. Kyrie keeps showing up in an old man costume and pretending to be Varejao’s dad. It’s creepy, man. Anderson keeps swearing at him in Portuguese. Did I just walk into a cult?

The media keeps making a big thing about all the Canadians being together, and yeah it’s cool, but Tristan Thompson keeps taking selfies with me and selling the pictures on EBay. Bro, chill.

AB [Anthony Bennett] is on some Like Mike type shit. You know, the movie where the little kid gets a pair of magical shoes? Except, he keeps smelling mine and saying things like, “if I stay near you, maybe I’ll be able to shoot some day.” He’s so damn desperate, you’d think he was playing for the T-Wolves.

Saturday Aug. 23. 2014

NOOOOOO! My agent just called. He said he had good news and bad news. I went for the good news first. I mean, how bad could the bad news really be? He said the good news was that condos are cheap in Minnesota this time of year. Minne-Fuckin-Sota. I was just traded for Kevin “Coach Killer” Love.

My agent forgot the worst news, Anthony Bennett is coming too. I was supposed to win a championship this year, not pick out which golf course I’d like to play in May.

Shit, I have to go, AB’s calling me. I really hope he isn’t suggesting we go for teammate tattoos again. He wants to put my name inside of a heart on his bicep. Like, seriously dude, stop being so thirsty; it’s embarrassing.

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