The Dickies

In honour of athletics director Dick White, athletes receive legitimate awards

Braden Dupuis, Autumn McDowell, Paul Bogdan

It’s been quite a year for Cougar athletics at the University of Regina.

Some teams got better, others got worse, and some stayed about on par with last year.

It was a year filled with highs and lows; with heartbreak and triumph; with sports clichés of every make and model.

While some of our athletes may have been upset with the perceived negative coverage they received from certain publications that may or may not be this exact publication, to them I would say: better luck next year.

To those who don’t take themselves so seriously, we present you now with the 2012-13 Dickies: The awards article so meaningless and meandering you would think that we just made it up as we went along. We totally didn’t though.

So without further ado, here it is. The article you’ve been waiting for all year. The last one.

‘Freak of Nature’ award: Kelly Wiebe

Does Kelly Wiebe ever stop running? I got an email today telling me he’s competing for Team Canada in the World Cross Country Championships in Bydgoszcz, Poland. Once my brain recovered from trying to sound out that hideous name, I wondered aloud how long it took him to run there. Five hours later, I’m still laughing at my awesome joke. My neighbours must be pissed/Braden Dupuis

Brightest shoes: Lindsay Ledingham

At the CIS championships someone pointed out to me how bright Leddy’s shoes were. I was pretty drunk, and I’m also colour blind, so I’m just going to have to take their word for it. From what I hear though, they were pretty damn bright/Braden Dupuis

Cleanest shave: Paul Gareau

After more than a year of being that big, tall guy on the basketball team who also happened to sport a massive beard, Gareau did the unthinkable and shaved his epic face bush. Now he’s known as the big tall guy who is no longer on the basketball team and no longer has a massive beard. Way to go, Paul. Now you’re just tall/Braden Dupuis

Toughest mom: Jasmine Slinn

No, this doesn’t mean that Jasmine Slinn has the toughest mom of any of our student athletes (though that may be as safe a bet as any). It means that she IS the toughest mom. After taking most of 2011 off to have her first child, Slinn finished off her U of R career this year by helping lead the women’s wrestling team to a respectable sixth place finish at the CIS championships in London, Ont/Braden Dupuis

Most undervalued team: Cougars Handball

“Dirty” Mike and the boys fought with a lot of heart this year, but you wouldn’t know it by checking their attendance numbers – many times I felt like I was the only one watching their matches. The Cougars website has no mention of stats or even their starting roster. This team is so undervalued, the university won’t even spring for uniforms or a regulation handball. How do you sleep at night, Vianne? /Braden Dupuis

Best new U of R sports writer: Braden Dupuis

I’ve read most of the things I’ve written this year, and I have to admit that, damn, I’m good. I really feel that I deserve this award that I just now made up and awarded to myself. I’m also mildly good looking in low-light situations, and I’m a heck of a bowler when nobody’s watching. Congratulatory phone calls and letters of admiration can be directed to my mom’s house. She loves that shit/Braden Dupuis

Most hate for the Carillon: Women’s basketball

Certain members of the women’s basketball team have always had it out for the Carillon, often complaining that we didn’t cover them enough and then complaining about the coverage that we did give them. I’m sure they will tweet a picture of this – they love that/Autumn McDowell

Best dance moves: Women’s hockey

This year, the women’s hockey team released a Harlem shake video to stir up excitement for the playoffs, and boy did it work. The Cougars got tons of fans out for their semi-final matchup against UBC, but more importantly, I must ask the question that is burning in everyone’s minds: who was rolling around inside the hockey bag? Classic/Autumn McDowell

Best hate mail: Sylvain Pineau – Swimming coach

Throughout my years as sports editor, I have received many touching articles of hate mail, but by far the best one was the three-page email I received from the swimming coach. I apparently learned nothing from this piece, as he sent me another one roughly one week later. They look incredible in the frames I bought for them/Autumn McDowell

Most overworked staff member: Braden Konschuh – Sports information director

Between making an appearance at roughly every Cougars home game and putting up timely recaps, Konschuh is surely the most over worked – and I assume under paid – staff member in the athletics department. I’ve seriously been wondering if he was part of some cloning experiment; he’s everywhere/Autumn McDowell

Best flow: James Friedel

During the season, men’s hockey team defenceman Friedel had one of the sickest flows to walk the halls of the U of R in a long time. However, Friedel made the horrible judgment to cut that flow into a respectable haircut. This one doesn’t even stick out of his helmet on the ice, what good is that? This award may be transferred to teammate Sanfred King, as he seems much more committed to keeping his flow/Autumn McDowell

Most likely to succeed: Stefan Charles

Rams defensive lineman Charles is projected to go first overall in the CFL draft. He recently participated at the combine, where he was somehow able to levitate his 6’5”, 324 lb body 37 inches off of the ground. Scouts were so impressed by this magic trick that they made him measure his reach again. Become friends with this kid now, so that he can forget about you when he’s rich and famous/Autumn McDowell

Most selfied athlete: Lex Ewen

How Lex has even managed to find the time to win two CIS Canada West gold medals in between Instagramming countless selfies is pretty astounding. Still waiting on the mid-record-breaking-jump selfie though/Paul Bogdan

Photo by Arthur Ward