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The final sports roundtable

Hangin’ ‘em up for another volume/snow0810 via Flickr
Hangin’ ‘em up for another volume/snow0810 via Flickr

For the last time

Authors:

john loeppky — sports editor

destiny kaus – production manager

brett nielsen – graphics editor

matt wincherauk – editor-in-chief

taylor macpherson – news editor

  1. Who do you think is the best athlete on campus not affiliated with the Cougars or Rams?

JL: It’s a tie between Savanna Bryce and our very own Brett Nielsen. One is a black belt in karate and the other is a black belt in judo. Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No, it’s two U of R students who can both kick your respective asses.

DK: I have no idea. Do these athletes even exist?

BN: I’m going to return the compliment and name John Loeppky. Any other athletes I did know have long since graduated. Being a good athlete is about more than being good at sports, it’s also how you act off the court too. Volunteering, participating in other activities and in general being a really nice person.

MW: Anyone on the Carillon staff. These people put in hours and hours of work on their asses every week. The rigors of preparing for a volume of the Carillon is nothing to laugh at, and these athletes could learn a thing or two.
TM: Probably me.

  1. What do you think it means for professional sport in Canada when the Raptors have clinched a playoff spot, the Jays are coming off a tremendous season, but none of the NHL teams north of the border will be competing for the Stanley Cup?

DK: This just confirms that hockey sucks butt… and Canadian hockey teams aren’t what they’re cracked up to be.

BN: I don’t think much will change really. Pro sports teams are filled with lots of international players, and Canadian athletes have always gone elsewhere. If anything, maybe people will care less about hockey and can focus on other sports.

TM: It means Toronto is spiking the water with PED’s.

JL: Given that the sports section is jokingly referred to by the staff as the hockey section, I feel as though I may be alienating our audience here. That said, I think it’s hilarious that none of the Canadian puck chasers will be heading to the playoffs. Eat some humble pie, fans. I think it’s a great sign that the lesser-celebrated sports (baseball, basketball, and soccer) are getting the exposure and success that they deserve.

MW: Hockey is a useless sport, and basketball and baseball are gunning for their crown as biggest sport in Canada. Let’s get rid of some of these hockey teams and bring back the Vancouver Grizzlies.

  1. If you had to present an award at the U of R’s Athletics Awards ceremony, what would it be for, what would you name it, and who would you present it to?

BN: Some sort of award for being able to work, ace classes, and still perform at a top level. If someone from a background of poverty or difficulty can manage to get top grades and still get gold medals they deserve recognition (I had to quit competing to work and go to school). Call the award, Recognition of Achievement Against All Odds.

MW: Back in elementary school, we had these awards for the kids who didn’t miss a single day of school at the end of the year. I’d present an award acknowledging the student-athletes who made it to more than 50 per cent of their classes. Congratulations to all three of you.

DK: Healthiest bowels. The winner would have to poop four to six times a day. I would present this award to myself.

JL: I would give the award for biggest hair transformation to Brian Ofori. I wonder why he cut those luscious locks. Maybe they were creating resistance so that he couldn’t jump as high as he wanted to. News flash Brian, you were already jumping over all of them. Bring the flow back!

TM: I’d present the Jae Won Hur Award for best wipeout in a wheelchair to the Carillon’s own John Loeppky. The award is just a concussion.

  1. Do you think the U of R’s sports teams need new uniform designs? If so, describe your prospective designs.

TM: They should all compete naked. Seriously, do you want people to watch synchronized swimming, or not?

MW: Let’s make these bad boys neon purple and pink. I think we need all the competitive advantages we can get, and blinding our opponents on the court/field/diamond/rink is a solid way of doing it.

JK: Every fucking sports team in this hillbilly province is green and gold or silver. Maybe change that shit up. Tie-dye?

BN: Green and yellow are undeniably “Saskatchewan” so I can’t imagine our teams with too drastic a color change. I think they could use a brand update.

JL: If we’re talking about the time the basketball team decided to play in those awful throwback unis for an entire season, then no. However, I do think the Rams need new duds. I propose an all-black look with a green and gold helmet. For their other jersey, let them keep their current home ones. Can’t change too much; the twelve fans watching might get mad.

DK: NO! NO! NO! Spend money on travel or cool trips during the off-season. New uniform designs are completely unnecessary.

  1. Overall, how would you describe the results that the Cougars and Rams posted this year? Defend your reasoning.

BN: Abysmally underwhelming for the most part. Why do athletes come here again? We have the highest tuition in Canada and aren’t traditionally a strong school. Although, swimming did well, despite not having a regulation pool on campus.

MW: Not ideal. Next year, I’d like to see more wins, less losses. More points, less not scoring. I think these are solid strategies that our teams can put into action.

DK: I am super proud of women’s basketball and women’s softball (I’m biased). As for everyone else… no comment.

JL: In two words, above average. The men’s basketball team took a giant step forward, the women’s squad reasserted their dominance, and the hockey team had a solid season. The volleyball teams were predictably sub par (notice, volleyball players, that I didn’t say shitty; I have some class) and the track team slipped off of last year’s pace. The softball team did not meet their own expectations and the wrestlers had an average year. The swimmers, of all people, were the surprise story of the year and so, if you’re keeping score, that’s a positive result.

TM: I have literally not paid attention to a single sporting event or result all year long. No idea why our sports editor keeps including me in these.

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