The problems of unknown problems.

Wait, why am I thinking about problems that only face people who think about them?/ Taras Matkovsky

The list that raises unanswerable questions.

1. To Tinder or not to Tinder

Those who do not have the app say they understand what it is all about. Truthfully, they still don’t really know what goes down and are desperately curious because meeting people is tough business. Once you do meet someone who knows how to hold a conversation, that person usually stops talking to you after it becomes painfully clear that you weren’t joking about your life goal of establishing a J. Austen Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry (it really isn’t that unusual to name your wand Emma, okay?). Remember that one friend of a friend who heard a story about someone meeting her boyfriend on Tinder? Times are changing. Tinder is the stuff of romance.

Best solution: there isn’t one.

2. To watch the documentary or the sitcom

“To Netflix or not” is not even a question. The real struggle occurs when you are faced with making the decision to watch engaging content or mindless, self-indulgent comedies. How it can be such a difficult task to decide between watching How to Survive A Plague and The Mindy Project I do not know, but choosing is tough work.

Best solution: make good snacks.

3. To order the coffee you actually like or not

It is just easier to say, ‘double-double’ than be that diva customer. We all know, though, that Starbucks is better than Tim Hortons. And lattes really do taste better when they are extra hot, made with soy milk, and only half as sweet as those diabetic corporate devils originally make them.

Best solution: drink tea because it is good for you.

4. To talk to with people or not

There is always that one class where you felt friendly and fresh on the first day and opened conversation with the individual next to you — big mistake. You then suffer for the rest of the semester as you realize you have nothing to talk about except how much you both love/hate the class. You know you can never not sit next to them because then they will know just how little you are interested in their struggle to be a mediocre student. Furthermore, you are bound to have a mutual friend or some sort of connection which just makes for awkward future run-ins.

Best solution: do not talk to anyone and always sit alone.

5. To wear your glasses or not

Happy days are when you can walk through the halls without seeing anybody’s facial features and thus never recognize your friends. This way, you can smile at everybody or at no one. By acknowledging no one, you will never feel guilty about ignoring that acquaintance who clearly doesn’t understand hallway-smile-say-hi-and-do-not-stop-walking etiquette because they take you for coffee every time you see them. On the flip side, you can blindly smile at the people you hate and slowly warm their cold hearts so maybe they won’t be so mean to you. Trust in impaired vision; fuzzy faces and no conversations make for efficient and happy days.

Best solution: poke out the lenses of your glasses so you still look cool.