Top 5 Winter Olympic sports to watch

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A Superhero!

A superhero!

You’ll be surprised what was left off of this list

Article: Paige Kreutzwieser – Staff Writer

The quadrennial amusement of the Winter Olympics has once again come and gone. We have sat in front of our televisions watching in amazement at some of the most unfamiliar (otherwise known as ‘slightly bizarre’) cold weather sports. For most Canadians, the Vancouver 2010 Olympics opened our eyes to the world of snow and ice athletics that some of us would never even dare try for a million dollars. After over-indulging in the Sochi games, I am here to offer you advice for your 2018 issues of befuddlement. Here is your Top 5 Winter Olympic Sports To Watch:

5. Super G

This is likely one of the numerous events you skip over but – and yes, there is a ‘but’ – you need to watch this. There are no other words to describe this sport other than absolutely bonkers. Downhill speeds can reach up to 90 mph – what? Sochi’s course had a drop of 1085 metres – what? And this is all done within two to two and a half minutes – ridiculous! I don’t know who in their right mind wants to do this, but everybody in their right mind should watch it.

4. Snowboarding

I promise you, all events in this sport are worth watching. I looked it up and strapping your feet onto one board and cruising down a hill is actually the definition of crazy. Who knew? Out of all the events, snowboard cross takes the cake. Racing down a hill, making high speed turns and jumps as they go – not to mention, with three other people fighting for first place right beside just screams recipe for disaster. Any of these events will likely end in a “did that just really happen” statement that involves a couple different, more vulgar, words.

3. Bobsled

If you ever have the opportunity to watch this in America, I suggest you partake. The announcers call something that resembles more of a Kentucky Derby horse race than what it actually is – a two to four person sledding event down a tunnel, which just so happens to be covered in ice. You should also check out the Jamaican bobsled team’s “It’s Bobsled Time” video. If that doesn’t get you in the mood to watch people launch their bodies down an ice layered waterslide than I guess you are just a boring person and I feel sorry for you.

2. Figure Skating

Coming in at a close second, this is just a classic Winter Olympic sport to watch. What makes a better combo than judging scandals and glitter? Virtue and Moir, for one. Or how about Tara Lipinski and Johnny Weir? Google their outfits and you’ll likely agree. This sport is full of super intense scoring drama that would give any of those reality housewives shows a run for their money, as well as the possibility of some hilariously painful-looking falls. Plus, it’s a great sport to watch with your Grandma.

1. Speed Skating

These events are easily the best sport to spend your Winter Olympic watching-time on. The words speed and skating in and of themselves just speak of the insanity that ensues. Some of the sharpest blades and the tightest outfits (which I promise you, leave nothing to the imagination) prove that these athletes are borderline lunatics. The relay events don’t even seem possible without some sort of collision. And the short distance events will be the biggest rush of adrenaline you’ll experience since that time you realized you forgot to write a six-page essay that was due the next morning.

Honorable mentions:

I could not for the life of me include hockey on this list because we know everyone watches it anyways. And secondly, curling sadly had to be eliminated. Because of my journalistic integrity I could not be biased to giving it number one (as I absolutely would have).

Image: Arthur Ward

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