Top five dumb sports quotes
Athletes say dumb stuff. Who knew?
- NBA player Drew Gooden
Quote: “I’ve had to overcome a lot of diversity [in my career]”
This journeyman forward, currently playing for the Washington Wizards, let slip a phrase that I really wish the NBA would put on a poster. Forget “Basketball Without Borders”, we could just have this guy’s face on a poster that says, “why not you?” With 101 international players suiting up this season (a new record), it seems the career 11.5 points per game contributor’s issues are only going to get worse.
- NBA champion Shaquille O’Neal
Quote: “I can’t really remember the names of the clubs we went to.”
This little gem came from the man also known as Superman, The Diesel, The Big Aristotle, and for some incredibly weird reason that I’m not quite sure of, Shaq Fu, when he was asked about the Orlando Magic’s trip to Greece. He may have only been joking, but we are talking about a man who could have an article devoted to just his antics. On the other hand, who can blame the big fella? Everyone knows that the Parthenon was a temple that was just begging for a disco ball, overplayed club tunes, and five-dollar shots. Who wouldn’t want to see the Greek gods perform on karaoke night? And here’s Athena with her rendition of “Where is the Love”. Oh no! She’s been Rick-Rolled.
- New York Yankees legend Yogi Berra
Quote: “He hits from both sides of the plate. He’s amphibious.”
Ah, Yogi. When they coin a term after you (a silly sport quote made by the man himself is called a Yogi-ism) you know you’ve made it. Forget the Hall of Fame career, the nineteen years spent with the Yankees, or the countless awards. No, the most memorable part of Mr. Lawrence Berra’s career is his insatiable ability to verbally screw up. Hey, he could just create an underwater version of baseball and then he would sound slightly less ridiculous. On second thought, underwater baseball sounds about as exciting as the spring iteration of its land-locked counterpart. The only exciting part would be seeing a skinny little lifeguard, fresh out of CPR training, trying to haul David Ortiz out of the water as both gasp for air.
- Steelers coach turned NFL analyst Bill Cowher
Quote: “We’re not attempting to circumcise rules.”
Cowher: What seems to be the problem, doctor?
Doctor: What you just said isn’t a thing. You can’t circumcise rules, Bill.
Cower: But the Patriots do it all the time! Why are they any different?
Doctor: Because Bill Belichick is the devil incarnate, that’s why. Also, because he circumvents them.
Cower: What does that even mean?
- Former University of Miami Hurricane Kellen Winslow
Quote: “I’m a fucking soldier!”
A football player likening his exploits, particularly his opponent’s attempts at taking out his knees, to the horrors faced by those on a battlefield, because sports. That’s why. Both are championed for their courage, but only one is in serious danger, and it certainly isn’t the one who catches footballs for a living.