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Wall-o-cycle

[3A] - Woll-o-cycle - KLBrad Wall ignored the film industry when they cried foul, but one sniff from the motorcyclist and he intervenes in SGI’s affairs

This may shock many of you, but working for the student newspaper doesn’t exactly make one a millionaire. In order to pay all of the bills that such an unremitted badass as myself inevitably accrues, it is often essential to hold down two or even possibly three jobs.

One such job happens to be at a local insurance agency. As such, I found myself on the unfortunate frontlines during what will forever be known as, “That One Time SGI Planned to Jack up Motorcycle Insurance Rates, Like, 200 per cent.”

See, the way SGI currently operates, motorcycle rates are ridiculously low. So low, in fact, that every time a motorcycle claim was submitted to SGI, they operated at a loss. A recent internal study found that loss to be something to the tune of $9 million per year. Any government agency that operates at a $9 million a year loss is bound to make some drastic changes.

Enter the proposed motorcycle rate increase.

As any drastic increase to what people pay for is wont to do, the more vitriolic and vocal (read: fun) citizens took to the streets to voice their concerns.

“No one will be able to ride motorcycles!” the angry bikers roared. “This is unfair!” Of course, the people who don’t ride motorcycles, the people who operate standard four-wheeled vehicles, were okay with this proposed rate hike as they’ve been subsidizing the cost of motorcycle insurance for years, now.

But what’s that? Off in the distance, just on the horizon? He’s riding a motorcycle fashioned out of mangled Bolex cameras, fuelled by the hopes and dreams of post-secondary students. His balding head is aflame, like a shining beacon of deceit and petty squabbling. Why, it’s Ghost Wall! Or is it Brad Rider?

The “Right and Honorable” spirit of mediocrity comes burning down the highway, fixing to punish SGI for their reasonable suggestion. With a quick whip of the legislative assembly, SGI is forced to cap their proposed motorcycle increases. Wall rides off into the distance, and the wallets of literally every other motorist in the province commit honorable seppuku.

What I don’t get is why. Why is Brad Wall allowed to and applauded for intervening to squash a viable solution to a problem, despite mounting evidence that the current way of doing things is not working? Why is it that Brad Wall is slapped on the back and called the best premier in Saskatchewan’s history for slitting the throats of Saskatchewan Film and the universities of Regina and Saskatoon, even going so far as to ban people from the Legislature for disagreeing with him based on existing evidence? We wouldn’t condone or tolerate such stubborn behaviour from a two-year-old. Yet here we are, giving Brad Wall more and more of our adoration and support.

In reality, that’s all Brad Wall is; a stubborn child, crossing his arms and sticking his tongue out at you until he gets what he wants. So, I say give the baby his bottle. Let him have his fun while he can. Just put all the breakables up on a higher shelf and in 2015, maybe responsible babysitter Cam Broten can put this entitled little shit down for a long nap.

Kyle Leitch
A&C Writer

Photo illustration by Edward Dodd

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4 comments

  1. As you are part of an institution which places emphasis on avoiding plagiarism and copyright infringement, I'm assuming that you licensed the use of the "Born This Way" album cover (without citation), correct?

  2. Ha! Motorcycle Brad! Keep up the good work beetches!

  3. Doubt Cam can do anything. Ndp's weak in the house and weak with the people, and that tide doesn't appear to be changing. Don't think the Premier is going anywhere for a bit.

  4. Cam Broten will never be elected Premier.