You’re ruining my experience

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Which fan category do you fall into?

Autumn McDowell
Sports Editor
What The Puck?

If there is one thing that can surely ruin my experience during a live sporting event – whether my team is winning or losing – it’s the fans.

No matter what sporting event I attend, it is almost always a guarantee that I will be annoyed by at least three fans throughout the game. I’m not sure if everyone feels this way or if I just have terrible luck and always get stuck sitting next to the loud-mouthed, horn-blowing idiot who makes me wish that I was watching the game from the comfort of my own living room instead of with this jackass.

Every time I go to a game, it’s like I forget how annoying the other fans can be from one time to the next. Now, every fan is relatively aggravating in one way or another – especially if they are cheering for the opposing team – but in general, there are usually three categories of fans that most people will fall into.

First off, there is the dreaded armchair quarterback. This is the fan that thinks they know what’s best for the team far better than the head coach, even though they barely know the rules of the game.

This is also the fan who thinks that they could play the game much better than the current players, even though they are roughly two and a half times their age, have beer guts easily three times larger, and the only exercise when it was announced that hotdogs were only $2 dollars for the next three minutes – I have never seen someone run so fast in my entire life.

These fans – though loud – are slightly tolerable, because every once in a while they will yell something so outlandish that you have to laugh.

The next category of annoying fans is the overactive small children. These kids are often seen running up and down the concrete stairs – it always amazes me that they don’t wipe out – or flailing around and generally making their parent’s lives hell, not to mention everyone’s lives around them.

Perhaps I should blame the idiotic parents who decided to bring their rambunctious five-year-old to the game knowing full well that their kid would only be quiet or pay attention for a maximum of one period, and that’s only if they are extremely lucky or the kid is asleep.

Parents say that they want to get their kids involved in the game early and that is why they bring their kids. That’s great and all but these little tykes are paying far more attention to the blimp flying around than what’s going on in the game – I fucking hate that blimp.

Finally, everyone’s favourite fan category, the drunks. If you are one of the drunken fans during the game then you think that everyone around you is having a riot and that everyone is finding your stupid behavior hilarious and you are, in general, the reason that everyone is having a great time.

However, if the other fans that are around you and your drunken buddies haven’t also tipped a few tall ones back, they utterly hate life right now.

I’m sure that some people are reading this and thinking, if you are lucky enough to get to go to the games live then you shouldn’t be complaining. Well, I’m sorry, but these fans have ruined so many of my game experiences that I had to say something.

Also, I feel obligated to call out the old man that felt it was necessary to kiss my hand during the Pats game on Wednesday; that was out of line.

As ironic and unfortunate as it sounds, in order to deal with the armchair quarterbacks, the overactive children or, God forbid, the strange old men, you have no choice but to be the drunken fan.

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