A truly Scottish solution

0
597
It’s no Bannockburn, but it’ll do./ Leoboudv

It’s no Bannockburn, but it’ll do./ Leoboudv

A unique Scot pushes his solution to the independence debate!

You may have heard about the recent debate on Scotland’s battle with England for total independence. Well, great news! The Carillon has received confirmation from all of our esteemed sources that they have come to a final conclusion on the issue. A soccer match at a still yet to be determined location will ultimately decide the fate of these two countries splitting.

The rules are pretty simple. Whoever wins gets to decide the fate. The winning team will become the jury, and their votes will decide if they stay or go. We were able to catch up with Angus McLachlan, the brilliant Scottish man who came up with the idea initially, bringing it to the English government.

“I was watching a match on the telly when it was interrupted by the bampots fighting over independence,” said McLachlan, who spends his days drinking whisky and watching the BBC. “I was so appalled that I was missin’ the end of the game, I was set into a fuff. I knew I had to figure out how to solve this problem, ‘Angus style,’ if ye know what I mean.” McLachlan has since become a hero in England and Scotland and will reportedly be presented with keys to the cities of London and Edinburgh.

The game will be played by randomly selected residents of England and Scotland, the system along the same lines of the World War II drafting system. Both governments have agreed to the decision and are reportedly “very excited” that Angus’ rule will stand.

Not all residents of the countries are excited, however. George McRae, a resident of Inchture, Scotland was quite infuriated with the decision. He said, “I’m more of a rugby guy. I don’t get why we didn’t decide on rugby! Or a caber toss competition! Aye, now that’s Scottish! Football? It’s mince! Ye’ll be seein’ a protest in London in the near future, I’ll see to tha’.”

The TV stations in both countries have said that they will cease all scheduled programming to broadcast the game and tickets are rumoured to be over the price of U.S. Super Bowl tickets. With the degree of seriousness surrounding this issue, riot crews will be out in full force at the match.

“I will be at the game, of course,” said a distraught McLachlan at a recent press conference in London, “Aye, I’ve become quite the celebrity within my hometown of Kinrossie, Scotland. Simon Pegg rang me last night; it was pretty belter.”

‘Angus’ Rule’ will be forever remembered as a huge moment in English and Scottish history. The governments have also passed a bill to make the day a stat holiday for the future. The date is set for Nov. 25.

Any way this game unfolds, it will be remembered forever. Sports and politics will always mix, and on Nov. 25, a new chapter in the legend of Angus McLachlan will be written.

Comments are closed.

More News