Budget cuts: a creative approach

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The height of wasteful extravagance./ Michael Chmielewski

The height of wasteful extravagance./ Michael Chmielewski

Because every little bit helps

Author: John Loeppky

President Timmons, in her recent video interview with this very newspaper, cited an increase in utility bills as one reason for the surge in tuition this semester. As a man of honour I pledge, in writing this article, to help the administration solve this persistent problem. Below are three ways the U of R can keep tuition rates rising at only double the cost of living.

 

Residence

Given the fact that the spout on my bathtub just fell of, I do not think that every room in residence needs water all of the time. Why not provide water in shifts? First, the fourth years (as we are the most important), then the first years so that there aren’t too many parental complaints, and lastly, the second and third years because they think that after just a few years on campus — and having not gone through the riggers of this institution’s flaws — they are experts in everything U of R. For those who just can’t wait, run shifts at the theatre department and pool showers. Staff it with Fine Arts students. It’s not like they work hard as it is and already provide us with beautiful art on an increasingly limited budget, or anything.

 

The lights near the lockers in the Lab building

Because good ol’ H2O isn’t the only culprit here. After all, it’s not like the lights are all switched on regularly anyway. The few watts you save here could be used to intensify the lighting upstairs in the Riddell Centre so that we can also see the errors in the student planners that much more clearly, or add another loud speaker so that you REALLY CAN’T HEAR YOURSELF DURING TRIVIA NIGHT AT THE OWL.

 

Water fountains on campus

Who needs hydration anyway? Economize space and put up more Whisky and Wine posters for URSU in their place. You could add more unused lockers; we all know how much this university loves lockers. Or, if you really think it’ll help, put in another Coke machine or three. While you’re at it, come to think of it, cut water to the residence office and the student lounges, some things are just worth sacrificing.

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