Dear Mr. Ford

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Humor - Loeppky - Rob Ford - Simon Fuh

Article: John Loeppky – Contributor

We at the Disgraced Politicians Society of the World would like to welcome you into our fraternity. To run one’s reputation into the ground is not something new; in fact, it as old as time itself, but your ability to combine these failures while still being employed is something all of us aspire to. In short, we are here to help.

We have helped such public figures as Anthony Wiener and Bill Clinton bounce back from their discretions with generally positive results. After watching your continual fall we think that your appearance on SNL is a definite plus and your rant about your sexual endeavors rather interesting. We must advise that you not mention your private affairs in public and that, while your city council turn their backs on you, we will not do the same.

Do not forget what got you to the forefront of Canadian politics. Should you be able to recover from your current status, we would like to suggest that you delve further into politics. After all, it could be worse, you could be me. While I was recently sentenced to 28 years in prison you, good sir, are capable of much more. No amount of derogatory language thrown in your face should be treated as a barrier to your future success. For one, how have you negatively impacted the public’s perception of Toronto? The Raptors and Maple Leafs are still horrific, its citizens still think it is the center of the universe, and the media still worships its existence. If anything, the fact that media are practically setting up tents in front of your office is a black mark on the wonderful country of Canada. Being the former mayor of Detroit, I always looked across the river and wondered what political shenanigans I could get into with a looser justice system and some Tim Hortons in my system. You sir, are living my dream and we at the Disgraced Politicians Society of the World aim to further your cause.

Let’s consider the worst-case scenario you, in all your glory, could not get re-elected in 2014. I say to you: what does it matter! Your own city council is so blinded by propaganda and quotes taken out of context that, by that time, you might only be able to make outlandish statements once a week – at best. Even if you do not get reelected, I hear the Marijuana Party of Canada is looking for a new leader. What better place to make an impression on the Canadian political landscape than running a party that has no rules and leading them to victory? Just a word to the wise: you might want to start by getting your MP candidates to vote for themselves.

Sincerely,

Ex-Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick

Image: Simon Fuh

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