I’m dreaming of a brown Christmas

The colourful harbingers of winter./ Taras Matkovsky

Just like the ones I’ve never known

Author: John Loeppky

So, the leaves have fallen, your summery tan is beginning to have a vaguely translucent quality, the heating in your car is sluggish kicking into gear, and you can’t find your winter coat for the life of you. Welcome to fall, summer’s bitchy farewell letter and winter’s infuriating foreword. If spring is the season of life and renewal; autumn is a season characterized, largely, as a time period of distinct decline. There are, however, some positives:

Firstly, we all rally together as Canadians. Fall is when we remember just how hardy we all are. The trek to the liquor store is no longer an easy evening stroll, but a purely Canadian battle of attrition: you against a brisk wind. No, you will not be defeated. You will only give up walking outside when doing so could result in limb loss because, to borrow from a certain beer commercial, you are Canadian.

Secondly, with fall comes the best sports month of the year. The CFL is just reaching the point where the games matter, the NFL is revving up, October baseball is upon us, the NHL season is days away, and NBA players are just appearing from their multi-million dollar hibernations. As a sports fan, what more could you want. Now, I know that our esteemed multimedia editor, Brady Lang, disagrees with me. He believes, mistakenly in my view, that April, with its already concluded football seasons and half-baked baseball games, is better; but damn it, this is an article about fall!

Finally, we can look forward to winter activities without the dread of -40 temperatures. Snowboarding looks so much prettier when the snow that is being thrust into the lens of a GoPro is not your own. Having spent a summer away from the mountain, the pain that comes with rocketing off of a tube and onto your ass has faded. You can think about how wonderful the hot chocolate is going to feel after a few runs with your friends and not how it will scorch the back of your throat like a caffeine infused hellfire.

Sadly, fall also brings some major drawbacks for us. First of all, there is the disheartening realization that snow is coming. I know, I know, but we had to face that fact that it would come to this. We, having chosen to live here, must deal with the consequences. Yet, when the leaves fall and the daylight hours get shorter, we all end up in a cycle of hopeless denial. Maybe, you tell yourself, there will be just a few more warm days. Hate to burst your bubble, but no. Just no.

Secondly, you now have to face the prospect of searching for a Halloween costume. Here, a striking of the balance is key. On the one hand, it can’t be too revealing or look like you might actually be able to kill somebody with the prop you’re holding. On the flip side, the ability for it to safely fit under a parka and still look half-decent with mitts is an absolute must. Add in the endless lines and limited stock, and you have yourself a nightmare that, while less expensive, can be just as frustrating as Christmas shopping.

And lastly, you have to face the fact that your summer fun gear must be put away. Don’t cry; summer will be here again (provided Mother Nature doesn’t skip us over next year). Don’t fret, those flip-flops will still be there 6 months from now. Remember, you will always have the pictures and the memories, even if you will be reminiscing at the exact same time as you pray for the furnace to heat your house up quicker.

All in all, autumn is a pretty blah time of year. On the plus side, at least it’s not winter yet. I mean, winter is coming, but at least you don’t have to worry about how to survive a Regina blizzard… yet.