Sex advice from your favourite pop stars
The Other Press
NEW WESTMINSTER (CUP) – Where did you learn about sex? Probably from a 40-something educator in a mayonnaise-coloured high school classroom, and your instruction probably included a diagram of the uterus and a shapeless wooden penis upon which to roll a condom. So where are you supposed to go to learn about good sex? Never fear, I've got you covered, with five hot and juicy sex tips from five of your favourite pop stars.
“Touch me and gimme that rush, better pack a toothbrush, gonna pull an all-nighter.” – Ke$ha
At first listen, the track “C’mon” by Ke$ha seems like a simple song about hooking up, but going deeper, it’s actually a well-written ode to preparation and oral hygiene on-the-go. The sassy, pro-sex songstress likes to get a little crazy, but “C’mon” contains some super-positive messages about taking control of your sexuality, like the chorus that states, “We’re both going home satisfied.” Ke$ha’s getting her orgasm whether she has to stay up all night or not. And afterwards, she’ll brush her teeth and go home.
“Gotta be compatible.” – Ginuwine
I haven’t heard such great advice since the last time I read one of my own articles. “Pony” by Ginuwine is an oldie but a goodie, a danceable treatise on grindalicious -on-top action. Above all, the song promotes teamwork, weaving a sophisticated metaphor where he’s the horse and she’s the jockey and they’re bolting for the finish line together. The focus on compatibility is key, because as we all know, sometimes things just don’t click. Ginuwine also promotes foreplay: “You and your body, every single portion.” Yum – not to mention the song is incredible to fuck to.
“Lick my pussy and my crack.” – Khia
Another classic R&B raunch track coming to you from 2002, Khia’s “My Neck, My Back (Lick It)” really drives the point home. She wants you to lick her pussy and her crack, and she’s not afraid to say it about 21 times. The real meat of this song is in the chorus, but in the first verse she makes sure to provide some specific direction: “Then you roll your tongue from the crack back to the front, then suck it off ‘til I shake and cum.” Noted.
“You looking for a real pussy eater? I can be it.” – Danny Brown
If Khia’s modus operandi is to tell you what she wants, newcomer Danny Brown’s “I Will” provides even more details on how to get her there. Brown’s track promotes utter abandon. “I go dumb and ignorant when I’m on that clitoris,” says Brown. The key, according to Brown and Khia, is to involve some ass play. “Lick your ass delirious, my tongue game so damn serious.” Serious it is. Promoting enthusiasm, dedication and a willingness to try new things, Danny Brown’s lyrics contain several tips that are crucial to providing a satisfying cunnilingus experience.
“Striptease for me baby.” – Hawksley Workman
Pouty Canadian bad boy Hawksley Workman’s rock and roll entry on my list may seem a little tame compared to the R&B onslaught of sex, but maybe it’s a good idea to calm you all down. And the song “Strip Tease” does offer some excellent advice, although it’s mostly contained in the chorus. Workman wants his girlfriend to striptease for him, which I think is a sentiment that a lot of folks can agree with. When you’re practicing to striptease for your partner, keep in mind that this song by Workman is an excellent jam to take your clothes off to. Actually, any of the songs on this list will do.
Are you sensing a theme here? Good sex. It’s equal parts compatibility, preparedness and reckless abandon. And for the love of God, eat pussy.
Photo courtesy of fistintheair.com