Sports Roundtable – Holiday Edition

One of these things doesn’t look like the other

Participants: Taylor Sockett, Michael Chmielewski, Kyle Leitch, Allan Hall, Brady Lang, Autumn McDowell

Which U of R sports team do you think will have the best year in 2014?

Sockett: Women’s hockey with a 9-6-1 record, the lady Cougs will be representing our fine learning establishment in a tournament at McGill over Christmas break. After the break, watch for the Cougars to make a big push towards another playoff appearance this year.

Chmielewski: I’m going to go on my gut feeling and say the Rams. Football in Saskatchewan has been unstoppable lately.

Leitch: Does the U of R have a full contact chess team? No? Damn. Men’s hockey then, I guess.

Hall: This might be a bold choice, but I’m going to go with the women’s volleyball team. They’re going to be in the CIS playoffs by default because it’s being hosted in Regina, and I think that they’ll get a big boost from playing at home. I’m predicting a top four finish.

Lang: The Women’s Hockey team will keep grinding it out and have the best year in 2014. The team has the work ethic to make a run and I really hope they do so.

McDowell: I think I’ll go with women’s hockey. It was awesome to see a packed barn at the Co-operators Centre during the playoffs last year, and I’m hoping for that once again. My only concern is how they will top that Harlem Shake video?

Which professional athlete should receive coal for Christmas this year and why?

Sockett: I always set out to try and have the best answer; however, it’s not possible this week, so I will continue to pick on Jon Cornish. He is an arrogant piece of shit whom I hope one of the Green and White permanently sidelines. Jon Cornish, I hate your guts but Merry Christmas nonetheless.

Chmielewski: My naughty list is long, but I’d say the women’s volleyball team at the U of R deserves coal in their stockings for their bad Twitter behaviour. Then again, the question reads ‘professional’…

Leitch: The judges that scored UFC 167 deserve the coal. GSP is getting dump in his stocking. Even Santa knows he lost that fight.

Hall: I’ll go with Tim Tebow. I just think that it would be really funny and ironic – in the Alanis Morissette sort of way – to see Tebow get punished by Santa Claus for no apparent reason.

Lang: As much as I’d love to continue my hatred for the Yankees third basemen Alex Rodriguez, I would be shorting myself if I didn’t choose Miami Dolphins lineman Richie Incognito. He deserves a stocking full of coal and a punch to the face.

McDowell: I think I would have to go with Edmonton Oilers newest acquisition, Ilya Bryzgalov. Not because he has been bad, but I would just like to see his reaction to it as in my mind it would be an instant classic. Actually, the entire Oilers team can get coal as they have truly been awful this year. See what I did there?

Do you think Team Canada will finally make it back to World Junior gold this year?

Sockett: We need a team Canada that the country can rally around. I feel that they need to overcome some adversity early on. They need to realize that they’re not going to just walk all over all of their opponents and if they think that they’ll end up losing again. I’m looking forward to watching. Go Canada Go!

Chmielewski: I’m sure they’ll make the gold medal game, but I’m not sure whether or not they’ll win. From what I see, they, and others, do not have the same confidence as other years. Either way, it’ll be fun to watch.

Leitch: I had to look this one up. Apparently Canada sucks at hockey, now. I’m gonna be different, and start cheering for Russia. For the motherland!

Hall: I’m cautiously optimistic about Team Canada’s chances this year.

Lang: Well, you always have to hope but I do think it’s a long journey back to the greatness that Team Canada had back in the day. Heart says yes, mind says no.

McDowell: This recent drought is quite troubling to me, and I can’t say that I am confident that we will even be in the gold medal game. That being said, I will still be intensely watching, so do not attempt to contact me during the tournament unless you want to be on my hate forever list.

If you had to cast any professional athlete as the role of Santa, who would you choose?

Sockett: Brooks Orpik, because he has the only shot bad enough to give the gift of an injured Crosby to every non-Penguins fan in the world.

Chmielewski: Tom Brady. I’m tired of cheery Santa’s at the mall. Santa can’t be happy all the time because he looks at naughty lists all the time. Those must have some horribly depressing shit. Tom Brady’s melancholic demeanour will solve this, and will be more in tune to reality.

Leitch: Paul Wight AKA The Big Show. It’s time kids started bring afraid of that jolly capitalist pig. Big Show will bring poignant new meaning to “Bright, red suit.” For the motherland!

Hall: I would cast Manny Pacquiao to be Santa. He may not be the most aesthetically appropriate choice because he’s a small 140ish pound Filipino dude, but he’s the only professional athlete that I can envision fitting through a chimney. He can also grow a beard that looks pretty damn majestic.

Lang: If Santa loves to drink beer, play golf and smoke stogies, it has to be pro golfer John Daly.

McDowell: Sidney Crosby. I know a lot of people who would love to sit on his lap. Including former arts editor Jon Petrychyn.

You just received a jersey for Christmas. Whose name do you pray isn’t on the back?

Sockett: Ronaldo, because immediately after putting it on I would collapse, grab my knee, burst into tears and start rolling around. However, I would also become extremely rich and successful.

Chmielewski: Crosby.

Leitch: I’m not really partial to names on jerseys. It’s more phrases that I’d hate to see: Get Out, You’re Fired, I Know Where You Live, Prepare for a Severe Audit, etc.

Hall: I hope that I don’t get a DeWanna Bonner or a Yoo Suk jersey. I would like to ideally avoid any names that I could envision Moe Szyslak getting a phone call asking for.

Lang: This is the time I’ll continue my hatred for the Yankees third basemen, Alex Rodriguez. That’s one present I could not accept.

McDowell: Dear God. This is an ever-present fear of mine. I think I would have to go with Roenick. I just never liked the guy, and sure as hell couldn’t rock that jersey.