A sporting event just isn’t the same without a few brewskis
Sydney Campbell, Colton Hordichuk, Jonathan Petrychyn, Mason Pitzel, Taylor Shire
This Week's Roundtable
How much money do you spend on booze at a sporting event?
Sydney Campbell: Seeing that I don’t go to sporting events, nor am I old enough to buy alcohol, that amount is zero. And we all know that anyone under 19 has never had a drink of this thing you call alcohol. Although if I was, I would be more of the social drinker. I’d rather drink at a party instead of a game.
Colton Hordichuk: I’d say a good average is $40. When I was in Edmonton last December to watch the Oilers play the Lightning, they charged eight dollars for a beer. I shed a tear every time I opened my wallet for a 16 ounce beer.
Jon Petrychyn: About $15. I'll buy a bottle of Arbor Mist and drink it while playing DDR.
Mason Pitzel: I haven’t physically been at a game in years, but as far as at-home watching goes, I rarely let myself drop more than $20 on a case of whatever. Twenty takes you pretty far when you’re not paying on-site vendor prices. Plus, at home you can drink from old promotional Are You Afraid of the Dark? cups, if you’ve got ’em. Suck it, attendees.
Taylor Shire: Well, I had to spend considerably more at Rider games this year. I needed to drown my sorrows somehow, but not like my one buddy who gets so shit-faced by the first quarter he dumps a full beer on the lady in front of us, tells the “asshole” next to him to shut up, and then passes out in his seat. I guess the moral of the story is: alcohol doesn’t solve problems. But neither does milk.
Do you think that beer pong is a sport?
Campbell: That like saying is soccer isn’t sport – although in some cases people say soccer isn’t, but in my books it is. Beer pong tests you in ways no other sport can. It tests you when you’re at your drunkest. It’s not just a sport; it’s a way of life.
Hordichuk: Well, you do somewhat need talent to play it. I’d say if billiards, darts, and fishing are sports then so is beer pong. Like fishing, come on. You bait a hook, throw it in water, and reel it in. Beer darts might as well be a sport too.
Petrychyn: No, but Arbor Mist pong is.
Pitzel: It shares a lot of surface details with real sports – it has a scoring system and there are opponents involved. But come on. It’s a party game. It’s heartless and superficial. It’s a sport the same way a Nissan Cube is a car or Guitar Hero is a band.
Shire: Throwing a ball into a cup and chugging beer, how can it not be!? I actually wrote a feature piece on the World Series of Beer Pong last year, so yes, anything with a World Series is a sport. It’s a lot like darts, which is also considered a sport I think.
What is your favourite athlete-drunk-in-public story?
Campbell: I don’t think you can narrow that down to just one. I don’t know about everyone else, but any story that starts with, “Kay, one night I was really drunk”, is going to be amazing.
Hordichuk: Oh, Dion Phaneuf singing Billy Joel’s “Piano Man” hands down. Then at the end, he takes a sip of his drink and screams into the mic, “MERRY F*CKING CHRISTMAS!” Merry Christmas to you too, Dion.
Petrychyn: I saw John Cameron drunk on Arbor Mist at McDonalds once. [I’ll see you in libel court. –Ed.]
Pitzel: In trying to answer this, I ended up on Wikipedia’s “List of professional sportspeople convicted of crimes.” All I learned is that the English name their crimes way more fancifully than we do. “Drink driving whilst banned” sounds pretty Frasier, even though it’s actually pretty Kelsey Grammer.
Shire: Was Tiger Woods drunk when he crashed into a fire hydrant and a tree? Or was he just sleeping? I won’t, uh, speculate. But I think my favourite story has to be Chicago Blackhawk’s sniper Patrick Kane beating up a cab driver over 20 cents. Like honestly, you get paid $20 per second during a game. We’re talking about two dimes. You walk around Chicago with two dimes on your arms all the time.
What is your favourite type of alcohol to consume while watching the big game?
Campbell: Most people would say beer. But I like to mix it up a bit, maybe a comso or sex on the beach just to make things interesting. If you see that girl in the corner of a sports bar drinking a cosmo, just come over and say, ‘Hi’ to me.
Hordichuk: It varies. During the NHL playoffs, it’s always Miller Genuine Draft and nachos and cheese with taco seasoned ground beef. Football is Bacardi white and coke. Either way, I’m drinking during sports. If it’s soccer, I’ll drink anything to make the game better.
Petrychyn: A nice Arbor Mist.
Pitzel: Beer, anything cheap and humble. Usually Boxer, since it’s semi-regional. I feel there’s no point in fussing over style or expense on game days – it’s not like anything pairs with Stadium Nacho Doritos anyway.
Shire: Reminds me of a classic commercial: “Watchin’ the game, havin’ a Bud…. Wazzzaaaaaaaaaaaaa!” Or “Wasubii!” Or “What are YOU doing!?” Classic! But you can’t go wrong with a few brewskies while watching the game. Or if you want things to get interesting, grab a bottle of Patron and play the Pierre McGuire Drinking Game (Note: dicey situation likely ensues).
On Oct. 20, the Pats sold 32 oz. beers for eight dollars for the first time ever. Should they make this a regular occurrence?
Campbell: I don’t know if this is a good or bad thing? Is that cheap? Should I tell my friends? What is an oz? All these question need to be answered.
Hordichuk: Abso-friggin’-lutely. My wallet would be dry of tears and, let’s be real, I may actually attend a Pats game for the second or third time since a Darcy Hordichuk/Barrett Jackman fight was an expected throwdown every game.
Petrychyn: As long as they also start selling eight-dollar, 32oz glasses of Arbor Mist.
Pitzel: I definitely think so. But I’m probably not the best person to consult, seeing as my list of “places you should be able to get an eight-dollar, 32-ounce beer” also includes Ultracuts, the Archer Library, and Please Mum.
Shire: Should the Pump make Dollar Draft a regular occurrence? That is up for debate, but I do think having these cheap beers at Pats games will bring a few extra fans to the game, and maybe even a bit of drunken cheering. You’re almost making money by drinking beer this cheap.