The gummy worm diet: “big vegetable” is controlling health news

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Did no one tell you sour is its own food group? Photo via Unsplash

Doctors don’t want you to know this weight loss secret

As an esteemed writer at the Carillon, it is my responsibility to bring forward the truth whenever possible. When I found out that doctors and dietitians have been lying about fruits and vegetables being good for you, I was appalled. I quickly searched online and I found many Facebook groups bringing forward THE TRUTH. One such group is the Mummies for Gummies Facebook group. I will tell you the benefits of only eating gummy worms, and then explain why doctors have been lying to us for years.

After reading the “Mummies for Gummies” page, I came across many convincing reasons one should only eat gummy worms. I interviewed Amanda Lay, a mother of three and an essential oils enthusiast, to find out how gummy worms have helped her: “Every morning, I give my children a bowl of gummy worms. I am happy to announce that all they want to eat is gummy worms now, and this is good because it keeps them away from unhealthy foods like cake, cookies, and soda.” Lay explains that before she started her children on the worm diet, they ate too many sweets. This caused issues during their homeschooling time. 

Clint Toris is a fitness enthusiast and promotes various scientifically-proven gummies, diet teas, and fat-blast workout gear. I asked him why he promotes these gummies. Toris stated “I get all of these gains from these gummies, and nothing else. I really do eat them everyday, and if you heard I am taking any other substance, the rumors aren’t true.” Toris is very fit, so I want to have the gummies so I can look like him. 

The final person I talked to was Harry Butz, a person who has tried every diet craze and finally landed on this one: “I tried the frozen food diet, keto, and the egg and wine diet. None of them worked. Now I only eat gummy worms and I must have abs because my stomach always hurts. I can’t see the abs yet, but I know they are there from all the pain I feel.” Butz said some of the benefits for him are that he has more energy during the day, he doesn’t experience cravings because he can eat gummy worms whenever he wants, and he doesn’t feel the need to track his food.

There are many reasons doctors lie to patients about fruits and vegetables. According to a study by Anita Dyck posted on crystalmommy.ca, “big vegetable” funds various government programs, and as a result, the Government of Canada promotes vegetables as a way to fund the industry. Did you notice in 2019 that dairy and wheat were moved down the tier list of important foods? This is a result of funding from vegetable corporations. 

One of the benefits of only having gummy worms is that you don’t need to check labels on your food. According to a study written by Lu Zerr, 75 per cent of Canadians do not know what they eat in a day, what ingredients are in their food, or the nutritional value of what they eat. With the gummy worm diet, you know exactly what you are eating in a day, and it leads to not needing to track. When I asked Mike Hunt about his supplementing, he said “Before I started the worm diet, I had to track every single macro, every calorie, and every carb. Now I know it is all sugar, and I don’t need to worry.” 

R. Soul, the leading researcher of the diet, has been in the process of producing a new book called the Skinny Secret. He gave me exclusive access to his draft so I could promote it before it comes out. Soul claims that the gummy worm diet works because it is low fat. The body cannot metabolize fats and vitamins quickly, and this leads to gaining fat specifically in the stomach and the buttocks. This particularly affects men and women over 25. When eating gummy worms, there are no vitamins to worry about. Because the body is not processing vitamins, the metabolism gets boosted, and there is a detox effect on the brain, liver, and lungs. This makes you 20 per cent faster in your cardio, and the lack of protein makes sure you don’t gain any pesky muscle weight. “If you don’t gain any muscle weight,” Soul said, “then the scale doesn’t go up.”

Soul is currently in the process of creating a formula for skinny gummies. “You will lose 10 pounds in one week,” he claims. Side effects may include going to the bathroom a lot and itchy teeth. Soul told me about his safe testing: “The rats I tested on have all seen great results. They now refuse to eat vegetables.” He noted that the effects of the skinny gummies are amplified if taken with lots of water and coffee: “the coffee makes your heart beat faster, and this speeds up how fast the calories are burned.” You can get Soul’s book from your nearest Rainforest warehouse next November.

After reading these articles, I am convinced that I need to start the gummy worm diet. The government is LYING to us, and we must not be sheep. Due to the results I see from anecdotal evidence online, reading the studies that prove the food charts funded by “big vegetable”, and reading Soul’s book, I am certain that the gummy worm diet is good for all people. You can get started on the gummy worm diet today and see results tomorrow. 

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