Why the wrestling team really got cancelled

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Snap, crackle, pop! Sandra Halank via Wikamedia

What the university doesn’t want you to know

Did you know that the University of Regina used to have a wrestling team? Once upon a time we did, but not too long ago that was shut down. We are here with fresh breaking news from a little bird to tell you about the team and the real reason they were shut down.

One of the main reasons why you may not have heard of the wrestling team is because they were not known as being a Cougars or Rams team. No, the wrestlers used to be known as the Spiders of the University of Regina. Yes, you read that right! Now, why did they call themselves the Spiders you may ask? Well, it is because a wrestler standing stance makes them look like a spider. They have their legs wide and their bodies close down to the ground. To make sure they get their opponent distracted, they swing side to side with their arms up to the side reaching as far as possible, moving up and down trying to distract their opponent. The Spider wrestlers were something different. They were different compared to the other sports team, and for this team, being termed the Cougars or the Rams was not the vibe.

You know what else their vibe was not? Practicing in a normal gym with mats, mirrors, and equipment. No, your wrestlers of the University of Regina used to practice in the Adhum building. Why that building in particular you may ask? Because this building was perfect to do lots and lots of stairs to train for the next meet. Plus, this team cheered each other on like no other! This team cheered like they were wolves to be exact; they say loud and proud “ow ow ow ow owwwwwww!!!!” As they cheered each other, the voices would just echo and raise up the Adhum building, and this was your professor’s favourite part of their day. As they are sitting in their office grading in the papers, they can just hear the howls coming down from below which wake them up just in time to assure you via email that you passed that midterm.

Now, the professors liked the wrestling team for many reasons. The professors were assured that the wrestling team always kept their diet up to date. Now, what is a wrestler’s diet, you may ask? A wrestler’s diet is something that you may know as the ‘Mean Girls Diet.’ Typically, wrestlers would be on an all-carb diet and eat a lot of Kälteen bars. These bars were specifically good at making your body retain water weight, and were sent in secret shipments through the Engineering Department’s equipment deliveries.

So, Carillon readers, you know where the wrestling team used to practice, you know what they were known as, and you know their diet – so why were they shut down, you may ask? The wrestling team was shut down for one crazy reason that a lot of people did not hear about.

The reason why the wrestling team was shut down was because one professor wanted to be part of the wrestling team. They did not want to be a supporter, and they did not want to a be coach. They wanted to be an athlete. Because the wrestling team needed the supplies of the bars for their diet, they assisted in letting the professor try out for the team, although after seeing his skills they could not allow it. His stance was completely different, and his howl was not loud and obnoxious enough. As those were two of the main standards of the team, the professor did not move past the try-out level. The continued on to hold a grudge and spread the word of their spurning, which caused other professors to stop supporting the team’s supply of Kälteen bars. Once that ship sailed, it was only a short matter of time until the end of the Spiders wrestling team at the University of Regina.

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