Letter fresh from the Regina Correctional Facility.
Author: John Loeppky
Dear Mr. Kapp,
Firstly, I would like to say that you, sir, have broken my trust. I should add that you have also harmed this city’s community. How have you done this, you ask? Well, all I can say is you must have a rather large readership at the RCMP. I gave you that interview (The Carillon Vol. 57, Issue 5, p. 20) in confidence and you decided to transcribe it into a written death sentence for my thievery.
On Sept. 30, just twelve days after you betrayed me, the reactionary neoliberal justice system put me behind bars. Though I mentioned before that I would be happy to have a space of my own and food to eat, if this were to happen, I was ill-prepared for the prospect of a cellmate. I may be a woman of the community and honour, a woman who leaves Brinks home security systems cowering in her wake, but that does not mean that I was ready for the swill they serve us in the chow hall or the embarrassment of having my name slandered in the Queen City’s most illustrious newspaper.
And, what’s worse, I would never have been caught if not for your journalistic antics! Suddenly, within a matter of days, every house in my section of the city had a lock on each of its windows. Howling dogs at every single corner seemed to be crying out for my blood. At that point, I felt like giving on my lofty socio-political ambitions, postponing my plans of economic rebalancing, and leave my chosen profession forever. Alas, with only Vianne Timmons’ wallet to tide me over until my next Canadian Student Loans payment, I set out on my merry way to relieve some of Regina’s greatest of their barely-earned currency one last time.
I had just parked in Lakeview, a favourite haunt of mine, when I saw the flashing lights. At first, I thought it was just private security (looking for another payoff, no doubt — those guys sure do love their donuts and chai lattes). Sadly, I was mistaken. The police extracted me from my vehicle and slammed me into the ground. Now I ask you, Mr. Kapp, is that any way to treat a community hero? I think not. So, here I was, as Regina’s preeminent monetary excess preventer, being embarrassed in front of the Regina’s pre-eminent symbol of bourgeois excess. Was this retribution for my continual thievery of yuppies’ iPhone chargers, so as to leave them bereft of the ability to snap pseudo-artistic Instagram pictures? Or was it, as I am inclined to believe, your attempt at revenge after I cut our interview short? I mean, can you blame me? That petty cash box was never going to steal itself.
It was one thing to portray me in the most detrimental of lights, but you have overstepped your bounds. Under no circumstances should one exploit or damage their sources, you should know that. I leave you with a demand: pay my bail, for it’s the least you can do, what with all the harm you have caused